Working From Home

I work as a freelance writer for the local newspaper. Mostly I work during nap time, which has recently morphed from sleep time to play-quietly-or-I-will-take-away-all-of-your-toys-and-become-a-fire-breathing-mom time. Kenzie, four-almost-five, has played quietly for awhile now, but this is new ground with Hannah, two.

I'm beginning to think if I want to keep working/writing/stay sane I need to hire a sitter at least one day a week. Let me illustrate why:

Last week I was on the phone with an NBC producer, while the girls "napped." I was working on a story for ye Ol' Standard Examiner about the T.V. coverage of the Dew Tour at Snowbasin. He was telling me about his world travels and how he's produced shows about the NBA, the NFL, etc.

As I'm responding and trying desperately to type everything he's saying, I hear the door open and then Hannah yells, "I have to POO. I have to POO!" (By the way, this is not my potty language of choice. Thanks Mike.)

I pretended that I lived in a hearing bubble, where the person on the other end can't hear anything but me, and I wrapped up that conversation lickety split. I may have missed some good quotes. Hannah had taken care of the situation by the time I got to her. I'm not sure why she has to yell urgently that she must use the bathroom every time she does it.

Sometimes when my children need me while I'm interviewing someone, I feel comfortable explaining the situation and asking for a pause. Everyone has been very understanding. Sometimes I pretend that nothing is happening and try to keep typing while they tug at my arm and I snap in the air and mouth, "GET BACK TO YOUR ROOM." Other times I pause the phone conversation without acknowledging why and take care of the situation. Sometimes I grab a piece of paper and lock myself in my room and frantically scribble notes while they howl, muted by the closed door.

None of these are ideal situations. But you know, if wishes were fishes we'd all umm... how does that go? Something about never going hungry, right?

My freelance gig, working from home, is generally a spanking good deal. No commute, flexible hours, take-it-or-leave-it options.

Lately though I've felt like my writing is suffering from lack of focus. That Dew Tour T.V. story, it wasn't my proudest piece of writing. After that awesome conversation with the NBC producer, I was trying to write it on a Saturday as life flowed around me at our centrally-located computer station. That day my editor had to call me and ask if I meant to switch tenses in the middle of a sentence (why yes, yes I did. Because it makes perfect sense to wrote a sentence in past and present).

Perhaps I need to not try to mesh work and life. Because the meshing is mashing into a big mess. On one hand I'm guilty of not being a good mother because I'm ignoring my children and on the other I'm guilty of not being a good writer because I'm thinking about how guilty I feel for ignoring my children.

With a baby coming soon, I'm going to have to mark some working boundaries, or lose myself entirely in motherhood. I just have to decide what the right course is for me and my family.

Developmental Milestones

"Maw-om, everyone has one but me." This is Kenzie, age four, declaring dejectedly that EVERYONE in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD but her has a CTR ring. This is a new childhood complaint for her. We can add this to, "You never let me do anything I want to," as her favorite things to say to me.

I'm so pleased because now I can implement the ever wise parental response, "Well, if everyone had a one-legged dog that peed on his/her bed would you want one?" I've been waiting to use that line ever since Kenzie was born. And the one about jumping off a cliff.

My other favorite thing that Kenzie does now (and I'm turning off the sarcasm now) is tell jokes. Her favorite is from Word World. She says, "How does a duck learn to fly?" And we are required to say, "How?" And she starts laughing and says in her adorable voice, "They just wing it."

My personal joke favorite is this next one, which I may or may not have taught her and her compatriots during an unscheduled Preschool moment. She says, "Do you want to go under there?" And if we answer anything besides, "Under where?" we are severley chastised. But if we give the correct answer we are rewarded with extreme giggles. "You just said 'underwear,'" she laughs. This has provided hours of fun.

One of my sisters said that if my kids ever read my blog they will think I hate them. To debunk this myth I think I will gush over Kenzie's achievements and sweetness. (If you're not her grandma you can stop reading right now. I'm about to get gushy and long-winded.)

Kenzie is Sweet and Tenderhearted:

The other day we were at Sherrie and Josh's watching "Earth" (a cool documentary). Kenzie and the other kids were watching too. The documentary follows a polar bear at one point as he tries to find food while the ice around him melts. Kenzie was really concerned about the polar bear. The movie implies (no graphic killings) that the polar bear dies after he tries to eat a walrus but can't quite win the battle to drag one off.

The kids asked, "What happens to the polar bear? What happens?" I'm pretty practical about this stuff so without thinking I said, "He can't find food so he dies." This didn't seem to phase anyone but Kenzie. She buried her head in the blankets and cried and cried. Sweet little thing.

Last year at church she learned a song about not walking away from people if they "don't walk as most people do," etc. She loves this song. After singing it the other night she said to me, "Mom, I'll never walk away from you." Even if this implies that she thinks I am "different," it was very sweet.

Kenzie has Uber-intelligence upon which I place Superhigh expectations and try to vicariously live my life:

A few months ago Kenzie read a book to me. We promised her a camelback (it was pink!) if she would learn how to read. She had to sound out all the letters and put the words together, which she did. (It was in Septemberish, when she was 4.5 years old) I should have wrote down what book it was. Dang! I'll have to go and see if I can find it at the library again. She's known all the letters and their sounds for a long time, but it was her Aunt Laurie that spent an evening teaching her how to sound out words. Her first word ever was JET. Good job La-La. With aunts and "Word World" I'm not sure I even have a job around here. She doesn't read all the time or anything like that, just when we make her she can do it.

***The book was June's Tune, a "Read With Me" book where I read one page and Kenzie read the next. Mike remembered.

Kenzie loves to create things. I left out a hole punch and some papers from a project and Kenzie decided to make something. She cut the papers, punched holes in them and then asked for pipe cleaner. She made earrings for all of us and her dolls to wear and saved one for Mike, just in case he wanted one. The other day she found some paper and decided to make a book. She asked for some glue and put all the pages together so she could, "Draw pictures and write words on them."

She got a bear from her favorite church grandma and now she loves to draw bears. Here is a sampling of her latest bears:

Kenzie, I can't believe you are growing up. You are such a kind, smart girl with a growing sense of humor. We love you.

I do hereby Resolve to Sled more

Now that I'm done sewing my quiet books I can stop swearing and spend more time writing my book. You know, the book that is going to make me rich and famous?

It starts out with a girl named Sherry, Sherry Plotter. She lives in the rainiest city in the U.S. in a cupboard under the stairs. Her friend, a vampire, gave her a ring. But it turns out this ring can rule the world. So she goes off to a school for magicky people called PigBlemishes. There she learns about the werewolves plot to kill the vampires and only the ring can stop them. Or her love. Maybe it's her love that stops them from destroying each other. I'm still working out that detail. It's tentatively titled, "Sherry Plotter and the Cup of Hot Stuff."

Or maybe I'll just spend more time sleeping.

Anyway, we had a great Christmas vacation. Mike took the last two weeks off and we enjoyed sleeping in (he goes to work so early the bats are still out), playing with the girls and hanging some drywall to stop the stupid cat from crawling around the basement ceiling/kitchen floor. She's adorably curled up in my lap right now but really I'm getting tired of her incessant meowing because she's stuck in the ceiling.

While Mike was off we went sledding three times. Hannah loved it the first time we went. Kenzie loved it every single time. Even the time she hit a tree (a small tree).

The first time we went to a park in Clearfield. The only problem with this park was that all the sled hills seem to end at the same large lamp post. I'm not sure how they engineered that, you'll have to ask Mike. We avoided the lamp post by ditching our sleds at the last minute or having Mike divert their paths. And Hannah loved riding the mild hill in her red sled and then being pulled back up again.

The next time we went to a hill by the Roy train station on 4000 s. That is a perfect spot, perfect that is if you start at the right spot.

Kenzie was getting pretty brave by this point and one time she started at a questionable spot, turned backwards and hit a tree. Luckily it was a small tree and she wasn't going very fast. I love sledding but I hate getting hurt and I hate it even worse when my children are hurt (I mean really hurt, not just the fake kind of hurt that they've mastered to get a princess band-aid).

Hannah hated sledding this time. It was still snowing a little bit and the hills were full of powder that blew up into our faces. She despised getting snow in her face and was miserable. I tried to teach her some snow-in-the-face-avoidance tactics but she still wasn't too keen on sledding.

The third time we went back to the Roy Frontrunner station on New Year's Day. It really is a great sledding spot. My mom, Dustin, Alisha and Sophie came with us and we had a great time. Alisha took some really great shots (she's a superb photographer with great rates), but she hasn't sent me any so I can't post them (hint, hint). Mike and I even went with each other a couple times. It made me feel young and giddy again.

The hill is fast enough to be fun for big kids and little kids. Sophie (14 months) wasn't impressed, but she didn't cry either, so I felt like it was a success. Kenzie was having a great time riding alone and climbing up the hill pretty well too. Hannah was sort of miserable again until she discovered sliding down on her bum, which I think my mom introduced her to. Then we all had fun. Kenzie wanted in on the bum sliding action too, so she deserted the sleds and she and Hannah spent the remaining time sliding on their bums with me and my mom. I don't know if we'll be able to get either of them on a sled again. And Mike thinks this is the year to try our little daredevils on skis. Good luck.

Making Quiet Books for Church

** I had to add these links after finding them on UCreate's Top Ten Tutorials. (My friends Kathryn and Melissa and their cute blog Nannygoat are featured in the list!)

Here are some links for making Quiet Books:

Homemade By Jill Quiet Book (Oh so cute and free templates)
How To Make A Quiet Book Her instructions are very detailed with supplies needed and good pics of finished pages.
Modest Maven's Sew A Quiet Book Post She was able to keep her costs under $10! She has great instructions as well
Nap Time Journal's Quiet Book Ideas She used a coloring book for inspiration and drew the pages onto muslin. I like how her pages aren't attached to the cover. That way each child can work on a page, instead of making individual books for each child.
Crafty Chic's A Girl's Quiet Book The puzzle page in her book is one of my favorites. She doesn't give detailed instructions, but has some cute ideas.
Linda Stocking's Quiet Books These are the patterns I used to make my books. The advantage here is that she preprints her pages on Pellon. The disadvantage is the cost of the kits, $35 plus materials. I love how mine turned out. They were perfect for someone with no sewing skills and no ideas of my own. She's having a January sale so check it out!

I Still Have All 10 Fingers

I know y'all like to spend December doing fun things with your families, creating great traditions and celebrating the spirit of the season, but personally, I enjoy spending the month of December cursing, inflicting wounds on my hands and experiencing a general feeling of incompetence.

Every December I experience "Craft Delusion Syndrome." While the Thanksgiving turkey is still settling and people are out buying laptops and beating each other up for the latest toy, C.D.S. sets in for me. I begin to imagine lovely, handmade gifts for all the special people in my life. Visions of blankets, books, and cuteness dance before my eyes. I don't remember that I suck at crafting until late at night Dec. 24th while instead of being jolly and excited, I am crying about my failures in the cold, dark basement and wondering if perhaps I have some gift cards hiding somewhere that I can give instead of my half-finished project.

This year, I decided that I needed to finally make the quiet books that I'd been dreaming of since the beginning of our Fight-to-the-Death sacrament (church) meetings. I kind of knew what to expect since I had made a few pages for my niece and nephew once, but, like childbirth and pregnancy, my memories had faded. So I've been hiding in the cold (there is no heater vent in our tv room), dark basement SEWING! of all things.

I'm happy to say that I actually have a finished (kind of) project with only minor injuries to my hands and soul (for all the cursing). The girls took them to church today and were entertained enough to make the C.D.S. worth it. Although, I did vow that next year all C.D.S. projects had to be completed by Dec. 22nd, so I could at least save a little bit of my soul.

Now I just have to pull myself together enough to make covers for the dang things. Here's a few pictures of the dang cute things. Before you are overly impressed, these are made from a kit that can be purchased from a really nice lady at ldsquietbooks.com.

Each cute vegetable detaches and reattaches with velcro.

More velcro matching fun. Each number and prophet picture detaches. On each number is a well-known thing about that prophet.

This page is supposed to have an I-Spy bag on it. But I didn't have the stamina to make one of those after all the other sewing I did. But it has some dolls and clothes that the girls can play with. Also those boots lace and tie (just like it says! Wow!) Each book has 10 pages of different activities.

This was a huge time commitment and a little bit of money for me. The kits cost $35 each, but don't include all the materials you need to make them. I had a "Party" and was able to get one kit free. I spent roughly $14 for pellon and wonder-under (with two 50% off coupon at Joanne's) and then, since I only experience C.D.S. once a year, I had to buy a lot of supplies like thread, material and crafty things that other people have rolling around in their underwear drawers. That was about $90. That's a grand total of about $73 per book. wowsa! The Pioneer book was more expensive because it required a lot of little crafty things like mini clothes pins and ox fur. I know you can do this cheaper if you play your coupons right and buy the pages on sale, individually. (She has sales twice a year, I think). Anyway, I love these books and hope they will last a long freaking time.

Christmas and the Cat (A post that starts out funny then devolves into a travelogue)

Now that I have a cat (thank you Santa Claus), I can put up stupidly adorable cat pictures and write in that strange cat language that cat people seem to love on that icanhazcheezburger web site. Wait, before you unsubscribe, I is kiddingz.

Perhaps the cat and I will be enemies. What could be more fun than writing about my nemesis, The Cat? Unfortunately, so far she has proven unformidable (not a word, but should be). She curls up adorably in her cat bed. She has yet to scratch Kenzie and Hannah's eyes out even though they have danced with her and hefted her around like a sack of potatoes. She is already litter box trained. And she is cute and cuddly. I don't think I can hate her. Also, due to my "circumstance," I can't clean out the litter box. I guess we might have to be friends. But we'll see.

Christmas was relatively marvelous around here. Mike took from Tuesday on off and we spent the time wrapping up some last minute details. On the 23rd we went sledding and took the girls to see the Layton lights. On the 24th, I planned to make the day all special and stuff, but instead I spent the day sewing quiet books (more to come on this in a later post).

That evening we went to the annual C-clan party where the girls dressed up as angels for the nativity. Hannah and her cousin Gracie danced joyfully throughout the re-enactment. It was adorable. We left a little bit early and came home to read the Christmas story and open our Christmas Eve pjs.

Kenzie and Hannah were excited, but they were pretty tired and went right to sleep. I think. I couldn't hear them over my mad sewing and consequent cursing to notice if they stayed up late. Mike helped me set eyelets and cut out pictures.

Mike said my dad needed his help at midnight to put something together for my mom, a surprise. After he left I finished up a few things and fell into a coma, until I was awakened at 6:00 by loud mewing. The girls slept until normal time, eightish. As they were running out of their room, the kitty ran to greet them and trumped everything else. They were so excited.

Then we spent the rest of the morning convincing them that their other presents were exciting too. "Hey, look at these other presents. Look, don't you want to open them?" They spent the rest of the morning following the cat around saying, "Oh kitty. Kitty, kitty. Come here kitty. She wants to sleep on our bed."

We told the girls they had to think of a name. Kenzie said, "How about Kickety-Bickety?" This is her favorite name. She asked me if we could name our new baby Kickety Bickety.

So, wanting to save that name for the baby :), I said, "Well that's a nice name. Let's think of some more."

"How about Molly?" said Kenzie. "Because she mauls things."

Mike and I laughed heartily and thus the cat was christened Mauly.

Hannah loved Mauly. Then an errant scratch made her terrified. Since then it's been love/hate. Hannah loves to follow her around and then suddenly screeches about Mauly and how scary she is. She pets her lovingly and then pushes her off her chair. Perhaps this is good practice for how we shall treat (or not treat) the new baby. Kenzie carts her around and mothers her. She doesn't complain about scratches and loves her.

Mike surprised me with a new couch (Hooray, hooray, hooray!). He hid it in the garage when I fell into a coma. I'll have to post a picture when we bring it upstairs.

I didn't surprise Mike but he was excited nevertheless with his huge new monitor. Huge. It's larger than Hannah. (Maybe not, but it is large.) This, he says, is just the beginning of our dream computer.

After our morning festivities we headed over the Chambers for brunch and more presents. Here Shirley is excited about the food dehydrator we all bought her.

Kenzie got an erasable alphabet book that kept her entertained for the rest of the morning. She was also super excited about her princess painting book from Gracie. Hannah was upset about everything. The day before she had complained about her ear hurting, and we were going to take her in to Instacare, but she stopped complaining so we figured it was a sore in her ear that she'd been picking at. She was a little mollified by the puzzle she got from Koy and the book from Grandma and Grandpa but mostly she was just miserable.

By the time we got to my mom and dad's house that afternoon she was complaining about her ear and starting to burn up. She cried that she wanted to go to sleep. We quickly opened presents on arrival. The highlight was Hannah's new Fancy Nancy doll, which she clung to and said to Kenzie, "Now I have a Fancy Nancy, just like yours." It was true love. Right after that she went down for a nap with Fancy Nancy in tow.

Kenzie's fondest dreams were realized when my parents gave her a "Strawberry Shortcake house with all her friends." (The only thing she wanted from Santa Claus.)

I was excited because we surprised my mom. This never happens. She is the queen of guessing and always says, "I knew it. I just knew it," because she does. But this year Alisha, Shaelynn and I framed an oil painting she bought 3 years ago in Italy. We stole it from her closet. She was really surprised.

It was nice to see my Grandma Bette and Grandpa Charles, who were at my parent's house. They joined us with Ali and Shaelynn and my parents in a game of "Imagine if." The girls love their new bouncing balls from them. Hannah bounces all over the house now that she feels better.

We were going to head to my mom's family party after that, but Hannah was burning up so we opted for home and bed. Hannah is doing much better now and the girls are enjoying all their new stuff. As are we (a new Kitchenaid! A wheat grinder! I'm so excited and spoiled.)

We have about 200 pictures so I'll have to put together a little slideshow for posterity or something. I feel grateful that we were able to have such a nice Christmas. I hope yours was filled with family and fun! Merry Christmas.

Being Released

Sometimes I love the evocative imagery of Mormon terms. For the last year I've served in the Young Women's with the 12-18 year old girls in our ward. I've loved this calling (that's what we Mormons call our jobs in the church).

I was the camp director (as I once so brilliantly explained it to my friends in Alabama, "It's a camp. For girls."), but I served as a counselor and sports director as well (I imparted all of my wisdom about ball sports, such as 'Duck!' and 'Run!'). I taught Sunday lessons, went to activities and fell in love with my calling. It was easy because the women and girls I served with were marvelous. A couple of the girls intimidated me, as I saw visions of what my little girls could become with their free agency, but most of them gave me courage and hope with their goodness, intelligence, and budding personalities. I love those girls.

But this week, they released me (That means it's someone else's turn to do the job). Release. I feel a sort of whooshing sort of windy noise with that word, as if something were holding on to me and suddenly let go. But release is such a powerful, ready-to-move-on word as well. It's what you feel when you achieve something, when the pressure relieves, when the baby's shoulder slides out :) Release is a freedom feeling too.

I am a little sad. I used to think my mom was strange when she cried when she was released. Now I know. Serving in a calling gives a different (not better, not worse, just different) kind of meaning and definition to your life than a job, or even motherhood.

I didn't cry until I was walking out to my car after the bishop told me they were extending a release to me (extending a release! Isn't that a great phrase? They're reaching out to let go. It seems perfect). Then, as Mike and I walked through the double doors of the church, a few tears squeezed out. There were so many things I had meant to do. Phone calls I should have made, girls I was just getting to know, lessons I was going to teach, personal progress I was going to do. Regret is often what makes our grief intense.

I'm not sure that I would even call my soft sadness about my release grief. My feeling is more like saying goodbye to a promising, not yet fully developed friend: "It was good while it lasted. I'll send you a Christmas card and maybe Facebook you." I will have sweet, edged-with-soft-blue- sadness moments when I think about being in the Young Women's. I love those girls, and that is the best memory I will have of this calling.

I promise I'll stop complaining. Soon. Like in 26 weeks or so.

I didn't get the barfs, at least not in the form everyone else in my family had. I just get the special, "letting-you-know-I'm-still-here-invading-your-body" throw-ups sent from my sweet fetus every day.

But before this blog turns into crazy "pregnancy complaint central," because I'm sure you all tune in here to get updates on my gastrointestinal distress, quick let me post some pictures of fun things we've done that I've forgotten about already.

On November 14 we went to Disney on Ice. The girls traded us their Halloween candy, minus a small sandwich bag full, to get their tickets to this event. We got good tickets through Gpa Reid's work and the girls and their cousins were awed and in wonder of all the beautiful princesses.

It was a good trade for the Halloween candy and a fun family activity. Next year I'm totally dressing up, but not as a princess, as the scary, scary Maleficent.

Thanksgiving weekend, in between all the barfing, we put up our tree.

At first, while I was busy putting out the nativity, we let the girls put the ornaments on the tree. I think they've inherited my decorating skills.

This my friends, is the only untouchable ornament on our tree. It is an ornament that my first grade teacher claimed that I painted. I'm pretty sure the room mothers painted it for me, but hey, I'm pretending that early on I had skills. Now this poor clay ornament has been glued a few times, but I kind of like it. And I'm really impressed that my first grade teacher even attempted an activity like this with 30-ish small children. She must have been amazing.

Since our ornament collection is sparse, we decided to spice it up a bit by painting some clear balls. Mike said, in his best engineering voice, "We need a centrifuge to make these."

Kenzie had a great time squirting the paint into the balls and swirling it around. She's really enjoying doing crafty things lately. She's always asking me to help her make something. Maybe she didn't get the memo about me being the Anti-Martha.

Here's one of our painted ornaments. For a craft anarchist, I think squirting paint into clear ornaments and shaking them is a pretty good activity.

And last but not least, here is our favorite hypochondriac (this is her latest bed time ruse. "My bum hurts." "My elbow hurts." "My arm hurts." "My leg hurts.") showing us her highly inventive princess shoes. She's modeling her beloved cupcake dress, which she asks me everyday if she can wear. Of course she hates tights, because they ruin the "twirl" effect. (It took me about 20 times to understand her version of twirl. "ihl" is about how she says it.)