Home for the Holidays

The Syracuse house that we were planning on didn't work out. It was a bummer. First, because we had already began building dreams around that house. The girls had already planned out their rooms. I was strategically organizing the kitchen and craft room. Mike was plotting out the garage; Second, because we needed a place to live since Eli, whose house we were living in while we searched for ours, was coming home. He wasn't kicking us out, but we weren't sure how long it would take for us to get into a new place and we didn't want to trespass on a friend's generosity too long.

So we started looking again and we found this place out in West Point. It wasn't finished yet--when we first looked at it the carpet and cabinets weren't in, but we fell in love with it. (Was it a rebound? Probably. But it's a good rebound!)  We negotiated, and got under contract. Our realtor warned us that it might take up to 60 days to get in. So we moved to Mike's parents. They were wonderful. Someday I will be as wonderful as them.

We ended up living with Reid and Shirley for only a couple weeks. They were a couple of educational weeks though, in which we discovered that #1 and #2 were not going to room together. EVER. EVER. AGAIN. Something to do with incessant fighting all hours of the night and pouring water on pillows.  Despite this, and other fun events which may or may not have involved yelling and tempers lost and food everywhere, Reid and Shirley still love us.

Our house finished up fast and we were able to move in the first week in November. We love our new place! It's fantastic. Way better than that Syracuse house. :) And despite originally thinking we didn't know a soul out this way we have since discovered about 15 people that we attend church with that we are either related to (Mike has three cousins and an aunt and uncle out here), or know from high school, college, or other random life events.

We're home.

P.S. Remember those ridiculous nicknames I gave my children. I can't use them. They're too hard to remember. So, while I'm still not going to use names, I'm just going to refer to them as whatever fits the moment. Kind of like Mike with his younger brother Scott, also known as Lance, Nigel, Ryan or Links, etc.

Buying a House is like Dating

I was reading through my old DRAMA!ACTION!DRAMA! journals last Saturday, while I was supposed to be organizing my files and packing to move. It was so hilarious, I trucked it upstairs to read to Mike about when we first met. Keeping a journal is totally worth it, just so you can laugh maniacally at yourself and how wise and wonderful you were in your earlier years.

There was a lot of drama and angst in those journals about my dating years. And I swear selling and buying a house is just like being in the dating world. Except in the dating world, you don't get an agent. (Maybe people should consider getting agents while they date. Just to smooth the whole transaction. That would be a fun job. Or not.)

Here's how our "Dating the House of Our Dreams" is going. When we first started looking around there were tons of possibilities. So many houses to see! So many wonderful qualities in them-- beautiful kitchens, nice bathrooms, craft rooms, landscaped property, ginormous garages. So we had a great time going out.

Then we narrowed it down to what we really wanted in a house. And we started to get anxious. Maybe nothing like that existed! Our ideals were perhaps too high. We expected too much. And we were doomed to live destitute and despairing, in a rental forever. FOREVER.

We'd start to get serious with a house and then we'd find some horrible flaw--like a cramped laundry room, or a cabinet shop with toxic fumes in the backyard, or it was located on a busy road. And we'd start all over again.

Finally after much hand-wringing and over-analyzing (I never did that while dating. Never.), we decided on the house of our dreams (ok. It was the house closest to our dreams we could find. This is unlike how my dating ended. I totally found the man of my dreams.) We were so excited!

And now we're possibly in the heartbreak stage. They might not sell it to us, because it appraised far below its value. (I'm not sure how this particular aspect transfers over in my analogy. Maybe it's like your mom, or your best friend doesn't approve of your choice or something.)

I should probably hold the phone, dial it back a little and just wait. Because maybe it's like the time Mike told me on our second date that I was a "fun girl." (The previous death sentence of many a relationship.) Maybe it will still work out.

Back-to-School Jig

I am almost staggering under the amount of free time around here these days. I get almost two hours a day of quiet time. TWO! HOURS! And did I say "free"? I meant child-free in the sense of "children are sleeping or pretending to sleep in their bedrooms." But let's be clear that these "free" hours are being used productively.  This productivity will probably return to unabashed wastefulness when the new Downton Abbey comes out, but until then I am doing laundry and packing boxes and other productive things.

This summer was an exercise in self-effacement. I am happy to report that it was much better than last summer. Not so much better that I cried heartily when my two oldest returned to school, but better enough that I felt a moment of wistfulness as #1 and #2 headed into the halls of learning. Thought process: "They are growing up?" Thoughtful, sad pause. "They are growing up!" Begin dancing.

Now that summer is over, I want to review what worked for us and what didn't so next summer I'll be crying hysterically when they return to school. (Because our summer together will just be that awesome.)

Our routines this summer were a good way to keep some semblance of normalcy and control and I think they contributed to our overall happiness. We did pretty well at sticking to them until our week-long vaction in mid-july and then we kind of just hung on until school started. Here's is what worked and what didn't work and why or why not.

In review, biking 100 miles did not happen. But we did make it 30! It just got too hot mid-July and we never got back into the swing of it. So maybe next year we'll have to try doing 50 miles all in June.

Also, I feel like it was a good call to only have one major chore and incorporate more cleanliness into our lives with the routines. For instance, having dinner clean-up be part of our routine instead of a "chore" worked well. We still don't always clean up after ourselves, but we're a little better.

The Pass of all Passes was a good thing, we used it almost weekly. We need one of those for activities up North. Honestly, will someone get on that please? The gas was killing me. Our pass is still good for June of next year, so we'll do it through June, but after that I'm not sure. 

Summer School did not occur as regularly as planned. We did make it through Road Dahl's "The BFG" and Betty Brock's "No Flying in the House" and then somehow we devolved into watching movies.  I think we'll have to be better about this next summer. I had the girls do a drawing book report of their favorite part of "The BFG" and put it in a special notebook and planned to do that for our other books, but that just didn't happen. I found a nice website about family theme days and would like to have Thursday Theme Days or something like that next year. I like this everyday theme idea too.

Hiring a babysitter in the mornings to exercise and grocery shop once a week was a fantastic thing I will do until I feel comfortable leaving the chilies to fend for themselves. I'm guessing that's in about two years, when my youngest can get her own cereal in the morning and my oldest is 10. Or maybe when my youngest has learned enough karate to defend herself from the often ill-intentioned advances of her sisters. I guess we'll see.

If I can find enough spare change I think I will hire a babysitter during the day so I can finally write a novel and become a rich and famous writer. :)

So now I've developed a whole new series of routines for school. They seem to be going pretty well so far. More about those some other time. I have to go gargle salt water. I have strep throat and my throat is on fire.

The Wildflower Pedalfest 2013

It wasn't what I was expecting, but it was still fun. On Saturday I rode the 50-mile course. I started out with a friend from Weber State that I ran into at the starting line and ended up riding mostly alone. Which was kind of lame. I definitely want to do it with a friend or group of friends if I do it again.

It was my first organized ride, and I expected large pelotons of competitive cyclists, even though the ride was advertised as non-competitive and not timed. (I know, silly me.) I was hoping to be able to jump in with a group and be able to push 20 mph or above, but the course was more hilly than I expected and the groups of riders were either non-existent or long-gone by the time I started. For a mile I thought I found a group (with capes on too), but they made a wrong turn, despite my yelling, and I never saw them again. I probably should have chosen the 75-mile route, which would have scratched my competitive itch a little more (the hill-climb on that course is the only timed portion of the route), but I'm really not ready for 75 miles.

I liked the course, which climbed to East Canyon and then headed back. I made it to East Canyon (26 miles) in 1:47 (that's minus feed zone stops, with stops it was 1:57) and then because of the awesome downhill, made it to the finish (26 miles) in 1:23 (with one stop figured in, because I reset my computer without looking, whoops). My last 10 miles I was able to average above 19 mph. My overall time, with stops figured in, was 3 hours and 20 minutes. Not what I wanted, but passable.

I got a good training ride out of it, loved catching up with the friends that I ran into (Selsa, Candice, Erica, Charlene), and the dessert bar at the end was to die for! Not literally you people, but metaphorically. Every kind of brownie and cookie imaginable. It was fantastic. Mike and the girls met me at the finish and they helped me sample the desserts and played on the playground and were generally unimpressed with my biking skills and more interested in the desserts. (The girls, not Mike.)

Today I am fighting off the runs and some body soreness (Mike had this earlier this week and it may have started with Ellie on our camping trip), so I think I am more sore than I normally would be.

I'm a little worried for my leg 3 in LOTOJA, but I hope to do well. I just need to get some good climbs in a few more times before we do it.

Earpiercing

On Saturday I took my eight-year-old to get her ears pierced. She had been noticing a couple of her friend's ear piercings for a couple years, and I had told her that if she swam across the pool freestyle she could get it done. After our swim lessons this summer, she's swimming confidently across the pool, breathing and everything.

As we entered the mall, her hand tucked safely into mine, I started to get a little panicky. (The mall and I have a history of mutual hatred, but I watched a guy at Walmart pierce a girl's ears and decided that was definitely not the place to go for ear piercing.) I began to think about my little girl wanting to come to the mall, and dealing with peer pressure, and going through puberty. I almost grabbed her hand and ran out.

"You're too little!" I wanted to shout at her. But I was the one who made the promise and she fulfilled the terms, so I tried to keep smiling as we walked past trendy stores and trendy people.

Suddenly, I felt like I was pushing my child to grow-up too soon. Why had I ever brought up ear piercing? Why was I pushing her into the world of self-decoration so early? Wasn't ear-piercing just another time and money-consuming activity that objectifies women?

"Will it hurt?" She asked me as we passed a cell-phone hawker, stylishly dressed with a Fossil watch and sharp haircut.

I shrugged, "Yes. But not too bad."

She pursed her lips and looked worried, squeezing my hand.

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Will you go first?" Her cornflower blue eyes looked up at me widely.

"Watch where you're walking. Yes. I'll go first." I had said that I would re-pierce my grown-in ears when she did hers. I stifled my feminist voice and decided to keep with my re-pierce plan, because I eventually want to cut my hair super short and earrings can soften that a little. And my little girl wasn't pondering the social and political implications of ear piercing. I just needed to relax. It was just for fun, right?

"Is it like a shot? Or a beesting?"

I stopped in front of a shoe store, loudly blaring a song about dancing all night. "Here, let me show you again." I took her earlobe in between my fingers and pinched my nail into it, kind of hard.

She grimaced. "That's not bad."

"Nope."

We entered Claires and watched another girl get her ears pierced and checked out the available earrings. She choose blue flowers and I chose small diamonds. The chatty clerk told us a story about a girl who came in that had lied to her mom about having her ears pierced before. And then, quickly, my ears were pierced again.

I can't decide if I like them or not. I've had my ears pierced before, but let them grow in. It's an easy way to look like a girl without too much effort.

My eight-year-old sat in the chair and tensed her shoulders and closed her eyes. The two clerks closed in on her and on the count of three, she was pierced. She is thrilled at her new earrings and can't wait to get "dangly" ones.

I can't decide how I feel about this "milestone." I didn't consider any of the implications of pushing her to puberty or teaching her about beauty until we were there in the mall. And by then, I felt like I had walked out on the tightrope, and the crowd was already roaring.

This is the problem with my parenting. I don't think things through until it's often too late and then I think, "Wait a minute! This doesn't fit in with my life philosophy. I object!" But I'm already sitting in the chair with an ear-piercing gun to my head. I have thought about tatoos though, and my answer is definitely no. I don't care how many times she swims across the pool.

Thirty 30-Day Challenges!

I am continually questing to "Try a little harder to be a little better." Okay, sometimes I give up and lie on my bed and eat a bag of chocolates and read Mistborn: The Well of Ascension, and I have to trick myself into trying harder. One trick I have been obsessed with lately is the "30-Day Challenge."

My good friend (and sister-in-law, I am so lucky she is both!) Summer, introduced me to them. Her family is always doing little things to improve. They tell each other about, and sometimes join each other in challenges like, "Do 30 push-ups every day," or "Read your scriptures every day," or "Don't yell at your kids."  And they do these for, you guessed it, 30 days.

The 30-Day Challenge has two advantages.
1. Duration. Previously, I would challenge myself to do something with no end date in mind. I would say, "I won't eat chocolate." And then of course in a few days or weeks (or sometimes hours), I would fail and feel like a loser. But 30 days? I can do that.
2. Simplicity. The contest is with yourself.  I used to think I needed to have some sort of competition with points and prizes to be motivated. With the 30-day challenge, I have realized self-improvement can come without the cost of having a loser and a winner. I knew that before, truly, but I have to be reminded sometimes.

Here is my list of Thirty 30-Day Challenges that I am going to undertake over the next year or two. Sometimes I might get brave and run two simultaneously. I will do each of these things daily for 30 days!
1. Take vitamins
2. Don't eat after 9 p.m.
3. Exercise for 30 minutes or more (minus Sundays)
4. Eat only one treat
5. Eat 2 or more vegetables  (yes I know this does not meet the DRA, but baby steps are good)
6. Eat a fruit as part of breakfast
7. Give a hug
8. Read my scriptures
9. Write 200 words
10. Do recommended PT for knee
11. Organize something
12. Don't swear/yell and definitely no Yell Swears.
13. Try something new
14. Do 10 push-ups
15. Go to bed at 10 p.m.
16. Sweep
17. Play the piano
18. Don't eat treats
19. Count my calories
20. Have dinner planned
21. Be on time
22. Compliment someone
23. Do an out-of-ordinary act of service
24. Write in my journal
25. Write a thank-you note
26. Do Yoga
27. Eat only vegetables and fruits for snacks
28. Don't buy anything but necessities
29. Do 10 minutes ab work
30. Practice doing a backbend.

Okay I'm starting with #1 and #10. GO!

The Best Books and Products/Tools for New Mothers

I originally wrote this letter to my little sister, but wanted to put it on the blog, because someday I will recommend these same books/tools to my children (because they will totally want my advice about parenting, right?) and the librarian in me wants to recommend them to new mothers everywhere. 

I wish I were some awesome parent with everything put together, but it's just me, your older imperfect sister with four crazy kids. I've got nothing but some of my favorite books, my favorite products, and personal, unproven, highly-suspect opinions about how everything should be done. I'm sure you can form your own opinions as you go, so I'll try to leave those out. But here is my advice on the all-important subjects of sleeping, eating, and surviving.

Sleeping: 

Best books:

• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth provides lots of research based, good advice. Although, his philosophy seems to focus entirely on the baby's sleep, and doesn't take into account that you must live. I liked his charts so I could look and see what the "norm" for hours slept was each age. And he's right about sleep being a HUGE factor in how happy your baby is. 
• Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg  This is one of my favorites. I like her sense of humor and practicality. Her EASY (eat, activity, sleep, you) philosophy is a simple, easy to remember (because your sleep-deprived brain needs simple things) method that really works. I definitely struggle with parenting my children once they get past two, but I have had happy babies and I attribute following this method as the reason why. 

Tools to help you succeed: 

• White noise machine. I didn't use this with Kenzie or Hannah, because I didn't really need it yet. We were mostly quiet people. But once we got to Ellie and Norah, there was no quiet. If it is quiet, there is trouble brewing. So they definitely took longer naps when the white noise machine was on. Maybe you'll want one now because it's noisy with the dog, or someone snores (Ali?). But nothing is worse than waking up a baby accidentally. Okay, maybe if the baby got hurt it would be worse, but really it is a terrible, terrible tragedy to wake a sleeping baby. And for traveling or camping, the white noise machine can be your best friend.
• Benadryl. Just kidding. That's for desperate, desperate times and only when they're older. And it can backfire. (Not that I have any experience with this. I've just heard. From a neighbor.) 

My Two Cents:

• Start as you intend to go on. It may seem silly because she's so little right now, but if you begin a routine before bed she will learn when it's time to sleep. Choose what you like to do and then do the same thing every time. We keep it simple. With Norah, I give her her binkie, swaddle her in a blanket, sing her a song and lay her down. Then I walk out and she goes to sleep. When she was tiny, obviously this didn't always work, but now it works like a charm. Mike's routine is a little different than mine, but the key is that we do the SAME thing every time. I've added a story, and I just put her blanket on instead of swaddling her, but it's still the same 10 min routine every night. (Even my older girls love routines.)

Eating:

 

Best books: What to Expect the First Year This book is a general book about almost everything, but I like its section on feeding the baby and I like the Q&A format. Also they talk about how to mix nursing and bottlefeeding, which is great. I muddled through a nursing/bottlefeeding mix with all of my kids and never found a non-crazy book about breastfeeding. They all seemed to say "Feed your baby, whenever wherever she/he wants." Crazy. The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is much more practical about setting up a schedule. I'm sure there's a good feeding your baby book out there, maybe someone else can tell you what it is. 

Tools to help you succeed: 

• Medela Breast Pump -Seriously those hand pumps are for people who like to grind their own corn into flour with a stone.
• Formula- Some books/people might make you feel bad about using formula, but if you use it, try to block them out-it's food, it allows your baby to be full, grow and be happy. Yes breastfeeding is awesome and wonderful and bonding, but so is formula. No one I know has ever said to their mother, "It's because you didn't breastfeed me when I was a baby." 
• Burp Cloths --You need like 47 of these. At least. Because who has time to do laundry when you have a baby? And spitting up/throwing up is normal. Babies do it a lot. 
• Awesome Nursing Bra -- I already told you about these Bravado bras, but it's worth repeating. Take care of the girls and life will be better.
• Good Bottles-The Playtex Drop-Ins are my favorites. It is kind of a bummer to buy new liners, and you're ruining the environment, but at 2:30 a.m. when all the dishes are dirty and the baby is wailing and for the love of everything holy, you just want to find a clean bottle, the liners are fantastic. 
• Sippy Cups-- Eventually your child will grow and it's time to ditch the bottle. Find a sippy cup that is spill-proof and doesn't use a removable valve. We just use the removable valve ones, since they leak the least. But I always lose the valves. I swear, they should have spill-proof cups until they are 18.
• Baby food Grinder Buying baby food is fine, but it's so much easier to just plop some of your food into a grinder and feed it to them. Plus, it introduces them to the kind of food you will expect them to eat eventually. (Start as you mean to go on!)

My Two Cents:

• Routine. Follow the EASY routine and you will be happy. Once she turns two you can start making her clear her plate and sweep. Ok, maybe not sweep yet. 

Surviving:

Best books:

• The Girlfriends Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood by Vicki Iovine. Hilarious and true. If I wrote a book, it would be this one. 

Tools to help you succeed: 

• Chocolate
• A good husband (oh look, you already have one of those!)
• A good sister (wow! You have one of those too!)
• A good friend to talk to
• Your mother 

My Two Cents: Find a routine for yourself that involves exercise, spiritual nourishment, service, and set some goals in the major categories of life: Physical, Spiritual, Mental, Emotional.

Don't be afraid of feeling down sometimes, talk about it, share what you're feeling or it becomes bigger than it is.  

You are doing great! And when you don't, it's ok, you get another chance tomorrow. And the next day, and the next. . .