Laughing my guts out

I hope this embedding thing works. Over at Crazy Bloggin Canuck, I always laugh my head off, and she shared this video that made me spit on my clothes (a job usually reserved for my children).






Just in case it doesn't work, see some hilarious swimming here.

The Challenge

I LOVE CHOCOLATE. This is not just a little crush. This is a full-fledged lifetime affair. But lately, chocolate and I have been seeing a little too much of each other. Now, now Chocolate, don't cry. I'm not swearing you off forever, I just need to take it back a step. (Let's just say that I don't think eating 6 large pumpkin chocolate chip cookies in a two hour span is indicative of self control and health.)
So, here it is, a new challenge. Since I have no self control, this challenge has to be kind of strict. I also have to involve other people, because the problem is self control, so if I am accountable to others maybe I can develop some self control (this kind of circular logic always works for me).
SO join me!
Here's how we'll do it, if you want to join.
1. Each day you don't eat a dessert you earn a point. (So if you want to go all healthy crazy, then you can vow off all desserts and then you'll earn more points than me because I'm giving myself one day to go crazy.) I'm not going to argue about what is a dessert and what isn't. That was a total downfall of my last challenge with Mike. If you don't think rice pudding is a dessert, then fine, eat it.
2. Each day you exercise you earn a point. 30 minutes of exercise. Doing whatever causes you to sweat. I know, I know running is harder than biking and so forth and so on, but I have to keep this simple.

This starts Monday, Nov. 10. Every Monday I'll post a point collection post, and you can post your points in the comments.
If you want to join, then leave me a comment with your "Chocolate Challenge" supersecret (it won't really be supersecret, just kind of secret) identity. I'll keep a point tally on my sidebar. (Thanks Kim for the idea) This challenge will end on Monday, Jan 5, 2009.
OH yeah, one more rule:

3. No whining. Last time I tried this I whined to Mike so much that he finally gave in and the bet just kind of fell apart. I ruined it and it made me sad. So no whining. Sorry, no points will be awarded for this, just peace and happiness.

I've decided

It's been a rough political century. Oh. You say they've only been campaigning for the past two years? It feels like a century. I guess that's just the age of John McCain.
Well after much back and forth over which liar would best serve our country, and after epiphany after epiphany of who to vote for, I announce that I will be voting for. . .
EL VEZ! The Mexican Elvis. He wears sparkly pantsuits, sings "I ain't nothing but a Chihuahua" and advocates that Mexico be given statehood. Todos of our problemas will be bueno with El Vez. What more could you want? (Except maybe a viable healthcare plan, term limits on every office, an economic solution where they don't throw money at people who have proven they don't know what to do with it, a balanced budget where they realize that if you spend more than you bring in there are going to be problems, and a solution to the war in Iraq.)
So there you have it. EL VEZ for PREZ.
I'll see you at the polls, where as Hollie said, I'll have plenty of time while waiting in line to flip flop like a politician running for president.
*I don't really know where EL VEZ stands on the issues. I just know that he rocks in his blue suede sombrero. *

So Darn Domestic

That could be the title of a new blog I start that totally spoofs Mormon mommy blogs. Oh wait, somebody already had that idea. Dang that Seriously So Blessed Tamn. (I'm not inventing some new swear word. That's her "name," Tamn.)
Well, this weekend, I was so domestic, I feel like I should spoof myself. So try to imagine my completely fake tone of voice as I morph into a Domestic Goddess.

You guys, I am so ready for the second coming! Seriously. This weekend I was totally in the domestic mommy zone. I canned applesauce with Holly, I made a supercute blanket for my sister Alisha, and I sewed a superlicious skirt for Mckenzie. Like, honestly, the only thing lacking is some baking. And I did that today. Does the prophet give out awards? Because I totally deserve one.
*Excuse me while I throw up and get struck by lightening.*
But here's some pictures:
On Friday afternoon we carved pumpkins with our friends, Matt and Cristina and their kids, and Kristen, and her two little girls. Every year, Mike carves his signature pumpkin. Can you guess what it says? Now, he's carved that same design since we've been carving pumpkins together. So now if he doesn't do it I will feel all sad and think he's trying to tell me something.

Next, while the girls napped I sewed this skirt that Kenzie is wearing. I got the idea and pattern from my cousin, Hollie. Really. I sewed this skirt. Originally when I saw the skirt and idea for a cute witch on Hollie's blog, "I Sew Stuff," I thought, "I'll do this." Then I thought again about my poor sewing skills and I thought, "My mom will do this." Then Alisha had the nerve to have her baby right when I needed the costume sewn. Honestly. Some people. So I had to sew it myself. And I did it! I think I did one part wrong, but it's like the DPC. I'm just going to pretend that everything is fine. And it is. We dressed up for Lonnie's (Mike's aunt) Halloween party, and the girls had a great time previewing the goods of Halloween.

On Saturday Shaelynn and I drove to Rexburg to see little Sophie! Ohhhhh. She is so precious. On Sunday, Mike called to tell me that Summer, my sister-in-law had her baby too! I don't have a picture of baby Boston. So yeah, that is three of my "sisters" that have had babies recently. Not to mention the plethora of friends that all just had babies too. They tried to lure me into their pregnancy club. But I resisted. I think it had something to do with Hannah and sobbing uncontrollably and the faint echos of a memory of not being able to walk the last month of my pregnancy.


Here are a few pics from our Joyschool party which was at my house. Here Kenzie is valiently attempting to eat a donut from a string. I forgot what a cruel game this was until we played it. There are some wonderful women in our Joyschool group who always have terrific Holiday kids parties, so I tried my best. I feel really overwhelmed when it comes to things like, "decorating" and "being cute" and "throwing parties with themes." But this time, I outdid myself. I bought a Halloween tablecloth! And I put some pumpkins on it. I'm the type of person who kind of snorts at those display tables that really nice people put up when they are giving the lesson or in charge of a RS event. Not to say I don't think the displays are lovely, but I snort anyway. Because snorting is so friendly, and makes people want to be around you.
Really, it was a fun party because there were donuts, hot dog mummies (thanks for the idea from Kathryn's craft blog Nanny Goat), and cookies involved.

I taught the kids the "Mean Old Witch with a Hat" song, and they sang it to their moms. They pretty much ooozed adorableness.

Mish Mash Tag

I was tagged by two people (at least I think I was, but perhaps there is another Stephanie they tagged and I'm just flattering myself.) So instead of two tag posts, I thought I would combine the tags and make one big mess of it.
...LUCKY NUMBER 7.... And the random picture tag....7 THINGS I CAN DO...
1) I can count to three, and put the fear of punishment into my children by the time I am at "three"
2) I can wipe bums and not throw up. (I wipe throw up too, I was just trying to say that I don't throw up while I wipe bums)
3) I can dance (that modern-dance kind where it doesn't really matter where you move or your flexibility, it just has to be somewhat weird and have some sort of theme like, "the peace I found while in the bathroom last night.") Just kidding. I took a modern dance class once in college, and I failed. It is hard and I really do love it, even if I make fun of it and can't do it.
4) I can waste a lot of time blogging.
5) I can boss people around really well. I'm just a bossy cow.
6) I can run. Kind of fast. Last week, I was invited to run with some ladies in my ward. . . Until they asked how fast I ran my last 5K. (20:52. Yes, old track friends I know this is not that fast, but it impressed them enough to uninvite me. I was motivated by the $50 prize. And I was NOT going to let that itsy bitsy teeny weeny high school girl beat me)
7) I can punctuate my sentences correctly and I can spell. When I want too. Oh yeah, I can beat most people in Scrabble, most of the time. Bring it on!

...7 THINGS I CAN"T DO..
1) I can't whistle. One summer in college I had two goals: Learn to bridge cards when shuffling, and learn to whistle. I had high ambitions. I learned how to bridge cards, but that whistling thing still eludes me.
2) I can't get Mckenzie to wear color coordinated clothes. Part of the problem is that my knowledge of fashion includes "Levis go with everything," and, well, I was trying to think of something else I know about fashion, but that's it.
3) I can't fit into my freaking pre-Hannah levis (the ones that go with everything). I don't have some sort of fat complex (I have plenty of other complexes, including a new one since I watched the photographer photoshop my picture), but I am cheap and I hate the idea of buying new pants when I have 5 perfectly good pairs wasting away in my drawer. But I'm not desperate enough to cram myself into them (for more than an hour at least).
4) I can't decide who to vote for. I think they both suck. Royally. And they lie. Abhorently.
5) I can't stop reading a book once I start it, even if I hate it. Really, I read Wicked all the way through and I thought it was the most perverse and stupid book I had ever read. What is my problem?
6) I can't stop blogging and obsessing about blogging. And hoping that someday my blog will magically transform into a million dollar making machine. Well, I could stop obsessing, but then what fun would that be?
7) I can't convince myself that I should clean my house during naptime. I think about it. I look at the messes on the kitchen floor and in the front room, and I do something else.

...7 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT KEVIN... Well, Robyn this one will be hard, because I don't know Kevin that well. :)
So, 7 Things I love about Mike
1) I love that he laughs at me (in a nice way, when I am trying to be funny)
2) I love that he tries to read everything that I write, even really boring newspaper stories about West Haven.
3) I love that he plays with Kenzie and Hannah in such an exuberant way
4) I love that he runs with me (sometimes) and when he's not in school is totally into the whole fitness thing.
5) I love that when I go places with him, everyone loves him and tries to do things for him. At our last family party on my side, two people brought dishes especially for him because they thought he would like it. Seriously.
6) I love that he is such an engineering smart man.
7) I love that he is so easy going and so nice and did I mention he is good-looking?

...7 THINGS THAT I SAY MOST OFTEN... (some are not out loud, just to myself, since I spend a lot of time with small children)
1) Right now! I'm going to give you to the count of three. One. . . Two. . . Thr---
2) Wait til we get home. Can you just wait til we get home?
3) Mmmhmmm (when someone tries to talk to me while I am blogging/reading.)
4) I don't know. I just don't know.
5) Oh h*&% (but quietly so no one can hear, and now that I've finished my piano, not so much)
6) Chocolate. Must have chocolate.
7) No. Uhn-uh.

...7 CELEBRITY ADMIRATIONS... My opinion of celebrities is not high. Although, I was once in love with those trashy celebrity magazines and I still surreptiously try to read their headlines while I wait in line at the grocery store. So I don't really admire them. I think I'll just pretend that one said, "7 Blogger Admirations" Wait, now that I've started thinking about this list, then I'm going to just have to list people I don't know "in real life" because everyone that I know, I like their blog and enjoy reading it. This list is shorter than 7. Sorry. That's probably unlucky or something.
1)Crazy Bloggin Canuck
2)The Smiling Infidel
3)Mary had a little glob
4)Navel Gazing at it's finest


...7 FAVORITE FOODS...
1) Chocolate
2) My mom's pies
3) Chocolate
4) Cheesecake that involves chocolate
5) Caramel, surrounded by choclate
6) Marshmallow encased in chocolate
7) Peanut butter, filled with chocolate chips (it's a cheap alternative to Reeses)

And now for your entertainment, I present the random photo tag. Here's how it works: go into your picture file, choose 4th file, open it, choose 4th picture, post it and explain it, tag 4 people.
So, since this other tag is all about sevens, I'm changing this tag to the 7th file, choose seventh picture and tag seven people.
Little people dressed in green hats? I found some leprechauns! This is at our St. Patrick's day Joy school party last year.

...7 PEOPLE TO TAG...
1) Katie
2) Val
3) Robynn (not the same one that tagged me)
4) Natalie
5) Melisa
6) Mike (I'll fill it out for him!)
7) Alisha (because she has so much time on her hands after her new baby! HAHAHAHA)

Mike's Sixth Sense

Mike has never claimed to have supernatural powers--except those ones that come with getting a degree in engineering like "Talking so No One Can Understand You," and "Modifying Electronics to do Things they Weren't Meant to Do." But after a couple of experiences, I am beginning to believe that Mike has a real super power--the ability to be prepared and listen to promptings.
My first inkling of this super ability occurred when we planned a three hour hiking trip to the San Rafael Swell in June of 2007. It was going to be a short day trip--leave in the wee small hours of the morning and come back late that night. The hike would involve some bouldering, which would take about an hour, a 60 foot rappel into the river bottom and then we would hike/float the river for two hours to a car parked at the end.
My packing for the trip included stuffing 4-5 granola bars and some fruit snacks into my camelback pack. Three hours, no camping? The only necessities were food and water.
Mike asked me if he should bring his overnight backpacking pack. I snorted derisively. What the heck for? It's not like we would be wandering around in the desert in the middle of nowhere for hours on end. He opted for his large camelback instead and then proceeded to pack his headlamp, a large first aid kit with two extra emergency blankets, our purifying water pump and extra shirts for both of us.
Sometimes I am so full of wisdom and knowledge, I just can't stop myself from sharing. My wise comments to Mike included, "You're not going to need a headlamp. It's not like we're camping." and "This is all about speed and light packing--why are you bringing those extra blankets?" and "You're only bringing the pump because we haven't got to use it yet. No way that's going to come in handy. You're just adding ballast to your pack."
Mike is such a good husband. He totally ignored me.
When our three hour hike turned into a twelve hour ordeal that none of our group of 14 was prepared for, guess who saved the day? Yes, yes, it was me. My granola bars filled our packs with clean drinkable water, warmed us up from the wet river, and lit the way as we searched in the pitch desert darkness for our vehicle.
I felt very humble that night, and awed. Mike was a superhero (as was Trevor, the one other prepared soul on our trip).

This weekend, my hunch was confirmed. As we walked out the door for the trip to St. George, Mike grabbed his channel locks and bike grease. I didn't know this, or I probably would have snorted, slow learner that I am. The trip went fine. There were no three-hour-turned-12-hour-wander-around-lost-in-the-dark hikes and we had a good time (see below). On the way home, we drove by Blake, Lori and their three kids pulled off to the side of the road (in the middle of nowhere). They're the family we shared a house with.
As we flew by, we said, "Oh. That's Blake and Lori. Should we go back?" And so we took the next exit and headed back to see if we could help. They had a flat tire on their boat trailer and the lug nuts were so rusty that they wouldn't go back on without the bike grease, and Mike used the channel locks to bend back a warped piece of metal that was brushing against the tire.
AMAZING! I'm not very good at expressing spiritual things, but I was really touched by this experience. Mike is a great example and well, ahem.

If you're looking for something long to read. . .

After Laurie's wedding we crashed into our beds and vowed to wake up early to pack for our trip to St. George. At 6:00 a.m. (which qualifies as super early for my lazy self that can't seem to wake up before 8:00), I rolled over and turned the alarm off. Who needs to pack?
At 7:00 a.m. Mike and I finally woke up and began throwing things in bags and pretending we were prepared for a weekend trip. I think we managed to get everything, and we managed to fit it into our tiny Chevy Prism. We keep saying we're going to buy another car, but then what fun would it be when I reach back 80 gazillion times to placate my children if I had a van and couldn't reach the backseat? This way we are all very, very, very cozy. I can throw a graham cracker (or other very nutritious snacks) randomly in the air and one of my girls is sure to get one.
We were only 2.5 hours behind schedule and we weren't fighting about it. (Mike doesn't yell, and I just resort to sarcasm, but I tamped my sarcasm right down)
The trip down was fine. Since we gave in to Disney and gave up on scenery and family conversation, things are much more pleasant while driving. The only problem we have now is that Hannah needs her own video player. She placated herself by doing some strange thing to her seatbelt the whole time we drove. It's a weird habit of pushing her lower body over and over into the buckle and it disturbs me. The only thing I can do is ignore it and wait for the day she can sit in a booster seat.
On the way to St. George we stopped at Kolob Canyons and "hiked" the first hike we came to. Standing on rocks and singing was the highlight of this 800 meter hike.



Even Mike got into the singing on a rock action, or at least sitting on one.

So then we arrived at St. George, got some dinner and slept. We stayed at this house with Dunk, Ryan and Ryan's older brother's family, Blake and Lori and their kids. Blake and Lori found the house on Vacation Rentals By Owner.com They have rented houses/condos all over the world and said they've always had a good experience.
It was awesome to not be crammed into some dark, strange hotel room, where you feel creeped out by the bathroom and scream in fear when the shower curtain billows in and touches your legs. And you can't let your kids play on the bedspreads because eww, do they ever clean those? I am never staying in a hotel again.

That night, Ryan, Dunk, Blake, Mike and I did a moonlit ride on the Green Valley Loop, and it was totally rad man. (yes, I just said rad. I read it on a sign in St. George and remembered how rad it is to use that word) It was a rollercoaster sort of bike ride and I only got one small injury, by laying my bike down on my hand when I almost made it up a really steep hill. I didn't realize how steep the hill was until my front tire jumped the rim, and then I stopped suddenly and smashed my fingers.
I am a better biker at night. During the day, if I see an obstacle like sand or a root or a steep downhill, or as step, or anything that looks remotely dangerous, I grab both my brakes and seize up. At night, I can't see a thing, so I just bump over it, or up it and think afterward, "Gosh, I guess that was a big deal." So now I plan to always bike with a piece of cloth I can barely see through over my eyes. I will be great.
The next day we tried to take a trip to the regular entrance to Zion, planning to go on a long hike carrying both girls. By the time we rolled out of the house and got into the park (after riding two shuttles, during which Hannah delightedly yelled, "Bus! Bus!" the entire ride), it was time to go back to meet Dunk and Ryan for a rock climbing adventure. So we ate lunch in Zion on the side of a trail, and then got back in the car for another full of joy and love 45 minute drive. This was really dismaying to me. It started a descent into anger and self-pity.
Originally we planned this vacation minus the girls, but since everyone either a. had a baby or b. got married this week, we ran out of babysitters that were related to us (free babysitters). So for the next part of our trip, the climbing part, we decided that one of us would climb while the other watched the girls. It was a long drive to the climb, and my descent into anger solidified.
I kept looking at our 1/4 tank of gas and we kept bumping along some remote dirt road in the middle of nowhere. I figured I would be stuck in the hot sun with two upset chillies, while Mike hiked to the road to flag someone down to give him a ride back to town for gas. Then he would be kidnapped and mugged and left for dead on the side of the road while I sat back in the car saying, "No, we can't watch a video. We have to preserve the car's power. Stop whining! I don't have any water!"
I kept telling myself to stop having such a bad attitude, and repeating all those things like, "It's 90% attitude and 10% what happens to you and other such platitudes, but the orneriness remained. Then I blamed it on PMS/birth control and I felt better. Once we got to the climbing area, I stopped b&ming and it went well. It really is 90% attitude and 10% what happens to you. And if the worse that happens is your butt gets sore from bumping down a dirt road and you don't get to go on a long hike in Zion, then things aren't bad.
If you know anything about climbing, let me try and impress you with my climbing jargon-- We climbed a 5.8 and I got to say, "On belay."
Warning, some graphic butt shots are intermixed with really cute ones of the girls.

This is the cliff that we climbed. (Why yes, it does look similar to the Cliffs of Insanity.) See those tiny specs at the top? That is Derek and Ryan (I would use their cool climbing nicknames, but then they might be upset, because I think you're only supposed to use them while you're climbing incredibly difficult things)

Mike climbed first, while the girls hit each other with sticks and snacked on Veggie Tales fruit Snacks. Mike is good at everything he tries, and climbing real rock was no different. He skittered up it like it was nothing. I remember when I took him waterskiing for the first time. I had been trying to get up on a slalom ski for like 5 years. He skied for the first time that day. Then I tried to slalom, then he decided to try it and he got up on the first try. It made me incredibly angry, but strangely pleased. He is super skillful, and I married him. After Mike climbed it was my turn:

Here is Hannah impressed with how high I am climbing.

Kenzie, pointing at me and thinking how awesome I am. (Kenzie needs to think awesome things about me. Already her "mommy love" is waning. In the past week she has said to me, "Mommy, your tummy is getting bigger," and "Your bum is too big.") (And I'm not pregnant)

Me, schooling Dunk in the climb. Just kidding. I started 10-15 minutes before Dunk, and only made it to the top because Ryan told me I couldn't take off the Chinese-foot-binding climbing shoes until I got to the top and returned.

Kenzie wanted in on the rock climbing action, so we bouldered around a little bit. She pretended she liked it, but I could hear her whimpering as I lifted her down from some spots.

After we climbed, Ryan and Derek climbed incredibly difficult 5.12c stuff while we stood around and watched in awe.

On Sunday, we headed home. ("Mommy," said Kenzie. "We should go to church. It's a good thing to go to church." Yes, yes it is. Instead we're going to ride in a car for hours and hours while Hannah throws up and has diarrhea.)
We made it home. Hooray! Hannah was only sick while we drove. When we got home she was fine.
The End. (Finally, phew)