1. What will Stephanie do when she does what she has always warned her children about and slams her finger in the sliding van door? She will curse out loud, jump around and then try to make up for her real swearing by fake swearing. "GOSH DANG IT ALL TO HECK!" After checking to make sure that her fingers are still attached to her hand she will whine continuously the whole ride home, at the same time thinking she is amazing for not crying. (My finger is okay now. It just hurt for a bit)
2. How long does it take for Stephanie to feel completely insane when Mike is gone on a business trip?
One week. Then she starts molting. And yelling. And maybe feeling sorry for herself.
3. Why is it that right when it is time to consume more calories because a baby is growing inside you, everything tastes like broccoli and makes you want to barf?
While Mormons believe that "men will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgressions," it's possible that pregnancy and its accompanying "joys" are women being punished for Eve's transgressions. (Ummm, is this blasphemous? If so I take it back.)
4. How many months can Stephanie succesfully hide a pregnancy?
One. Then, although she tries to deny it for another two months, her belly gives her away.
5. What is Stephanie's fondest wish right now, besides Mike being home and blog stardom, fame and money?
Going to the doctor and having them say, "Oh, you're really 20 weeks along, not 13! Wow!"