Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving Throw-ups

On Tuesday Kenzie barfed all over the couch (see comments on post below). I still can't convince Mike we need a new couch. And yes, that was the day I told her to stop being a wimp a go to tumbling. (Before she threw-up, not after. I'm only kind of mean.)
On Thursday no one barfed. Not even pregnant me. So we loaded up and headed to the church for the annual 5K. Mike ran with a friend from our Alabama experience, Mike, and then they went to play the annual football game.

Summer and I congratulated ourselves heartily for walking 2 miles (we shortcut the 5K course). The girls were delightful screamers during the race. I blame my evil, hated double jogger.

At noon we took our creamed corn and headed to a church in North Ogden. We had more food than imaginable with the extended C-clan and afterward Mike punished his body even more with dodgeball. The girls bossed everyone around and played happily with their cousins in the nursery.

After that, we watched UP (I cried a lot), and then headed to my Aunt Leslie's for pie night. Did I ever tell you that my mom makes the best pies ever? She does. After pie we took our extremely cranky children home to bed.

No one barfed on Friday and we bought a few things online and mostly just sat around, still digesting Thursday's feast. We did manage to mooch some leftovers from my mom. Nothing beats the divinity of turkey and rolls.

On Friday night, Hannah was up all night barfing every half hour.

If we need a new bio-warfare option that brings enemies to their knees, willing to do anything, may I suggest this particular disease? It was awful.

She's fine now, but we kept her home from church to make sure. She cried bitterly. "I'm not sick! I'm better. I want to go to church! I want to go to church!" I figure I better record that particular sentiment and remind her of it when she's a teenager.

We did copy my friend Emily and her family and made a Grateful Garland. I'm just grateful I only throw-up once a day, not contiguously (why use simple words when you can use large ones?) for 8-12 hours.

**Update: Since I wrote this Mike is home from work barfing and moaning. I can't wait for my turn.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Mysteries Solved

I like to keep my life mysterious. Lately my favorite mystery is "What food can I eat that will not taste vile on the way back up?" Well, does anyone have an answer? I don't.

Here are some other mysteries that have been solved:

Hannah's mysterious love of Spaghetti-Os.
Kenzie says while eating Macaroni and Cheese, "Hannah, why do you like Spaghetti-os?"
Hannah replies gleefully, almost singing, "Because they are so very good."

How it feels to have a cold for 6 weeks and counting.
Awful. It sucks your will to live.

Exercises Good for Pregnant Sick Women
Expanding your belly. While sleeping

How many books can Stephanie read while laying around moaning about her condition and ignoring everyone's needs
1.5 (I highly recommend Shannon Hale's "The Actor and the Housewife")

Why Environmentalists should worry about the Planet
Because a lot of people do laundry like I do. :)

How Hannah can make her own sandwhich at the young age of 2
"By my big self! By my big self!"

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Laundry, a Tutorial

I've thought about putting a tag line on this blog. Something like, "Making lazy look industrious" or "How to be as Lazy as possible" or "The Laziest mother in Blogland" because if everyone has a tragic flaw, mine is definitely sloth. To prove to you that I am the laziest person in the world let me bore you with the details of the laundry around here. Although I do have to say, Mike has one-upped my laziness in the laundry department. He invented Step 16, which I must say takes the laundry laziness to a whole new level.

Step 1: Run out of underwear
Step 2: Sort laundry
Step 3: Put load of underwear and other whites in washer
Step 4: Forget about the underwear load because you haven't showered or needed clean underwear for a few days.
Step 5: Re-Wash the now stinky underwear load
Step 6: Move to dryer
Step 7: Run downstairs after your shower to get a clean pair of underwear, ignoring the rest of the laundry in the dryer.
Step 8: Forget about the laundry in the dryer except to grab the needed underwear in the mornings
Step 9: Run out of shirts
Step 10: Put a load of shirts in the washer
Step 11: Sigh with frustration when you go to move the shirts to the dryer because the underwear load is still in the dryer.
Step 12: Re-dry the underwear load because if you take it out now it will be all wrinkly and you might have to iron something.
Step 13: Forget about the laundry
Step 14: Run out of clothes
Step 15: Pull out the cold, wrinkly underwear load in frustration.
Step 16: Leave it in the laundry basket for another 2 days
Step 17: Finally dump it out and fold a few pieces. The rest are too wrinkly. Throw them back in the dirty clothes.
Step 18: Rewash the shirt load
Step 19: Move it to the dryer
Step 20: Repeat.

Now I've solved all your laundry conundrums. Because, Dang! Doesn't this make your laundry process look good?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Yes, this is an announcment

Let this be a lesson to you. Never promise yourself that you will be happy with your weight at some point in the future. Because then you will get pregnant and gain weight copiously. Or maybe that's what you should do. Anyway. . .

In honor of this 3-month along growing little peanut, which we are very excited for, I thought I would do a random blog post on "things" about pregnancy.

"Things I love about Pregnancy"
1. A baby comes at the end (and generally speaking about three months after they are born and we are starting to sleep a little this makes me very happy)
2. I actually have a cup size for a little bit.
And that about sums it up. Being pregnant is not my favorite thing in the world, but I am grateful and I will not write a list of things I hate about pregnancy. Because it's good. Pregnancy is good.

"Things that help me during Pregnancy"
1. Those dorky donut cushions for your butt
2. A bra extender. (Haven't heard of it? You need one. Here's a picture with lots of white space.) 3. Vitamins because if I thought vegetables were disgusting before, during pregnancy they are despicable. Horrid. Trash-can smelling. Vile. Gag-reflex inducing.

"Things people lie about when you are pregnant"
1. How pregnant you really look
2. That special glow (You mean all the extra zits and rashes that break out across my body? Yes, those do give off a certain glow.)
3. That the delivery is the hard part.
4. Your due date (those lying doctors.)
5. "morning" sickness
6. Your pre-pregnancy size will be the size of your maternity clothes. (Multiply your pre-pregnancy size by 3 and that's my m-clothes size, thanks. And at the end, just buy bolts of material and wrap me in them because it still won't cover my belly)

"Things I feel while pregnant"
1. GIVE ME SOME FOOD NOW! Does anyone else find it highly ironic that at the moment everything becomes nauseous your body starts demanding food all of the time? "Okay, okay," I tell it, "but what should I eat that I won't barf up all over again? So far not bananas. Not raisin bran. Not vegetables. Bread. Lots and lots of bread at 11 p.m. at 5:00 a.m. Whenever.

As you can see I am highly pleasant to be around. Please send your condolences to Mike. Or maybe send him some curses because lately he has said, "Are you sure this isn't all in your head? You've just read a lot of books about being sick and now. . ." Blah, blah blah.

I said, "Excuse me?" And stood up so I could kick him in the groin. Because I'm pretty sure that's all in his head. He's just seen a lot of males grimace in pain when they are kicked there, so he thinks it will hurt. It's all in his head.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm due May 28th and I won't be putting up one one of those cute little sidebar countdowns. It will drive me nuts. My fondest dream in the world is to wake up one day with stomach cramps and wonder what they are and then go to the hospital and wow! Suddenly there's a baby, so since that dream has already been foiled, I will do the next best thing: not keep track of exact days. And when I'm not feeling like a wet-behind-the-ears sailor I'll pretend I'm not pregnant. :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009


It's the Wicked Witch of the West here, just checking in to make sure I'm still on my A-game. Because after only one day of fights and tears this week I'm pretty sure I've lost my evil touch.

For three days, probably induced by a sugar-coma, my girls have been playing nicely together. Their latest fascination? Making mardi-gras bead necklaces into leashes for all their stuffed animals, also putting ill-fitting dresses on their stuffed dogs. Today, the fun and games ended when Hannah discovered that not only are the beaded necklaces good for leashes, but they make good whipping tools as well. Ahh, the joys of childhood.

Well, anyway, I should post some Halloween pictures. I didn't dress up as the Wicked Witch, but las chiquitas were adorable. Right before Halloween I did manage to whip out my Molly Mormon facade and made them tutus and ironed on princess jewels on their shirts. Lest you are impressed, here is how I made the tutus from my friend nannygoat, and let me tell you that that's the first time I've used my iron in about six months.

Without further ado:

We started off the festivities with Mike's Aunt Lonnie's annual Halloween party. The girls loved their barn spook alley as long as the lights were on.

Kenzie and Hannah had tons of fun with their cousins and loved all the candy and compliments on their costumes. Thanks to all of Mike's Aunts and Uncles. We always have fun at this pre-Halloween party.

For almost the whole month of October we've been promising the girls we could "carve" pumpkins. Since knives seem like a bad idea in the hands of girls that like to throw fits, we went with washable paint and had a marvelous time.

Kenzie was very careful to spread the paint evenly so it would dry.

The finished products!

Mike did his annual tribute to love and I went for the vampire pumpkin. I told Kenzie it didn't bite and then when she stuck her finger in its mouth I made a growling sound and moved it quickly. I shouldn't laugh, but the memory of her scream still makes me giggle. (I'll get you my pretty.)

Both girls had Halloween parties at their schools. For Hannah's Kenzie got to come for a little bit and they decorated cookies and made necklaces. They had a blast.

For Kenzie's school party we froze our tushies off on a tractor ride out at Black Island Farms. They kids each got to pick their own pumpkin and on a warmer day I'm sure it would have been a blast.

The actual day of Halloween we had a ward trick-or-treat parade on one of the streets in our neighborhood. After that fun candy-fest we went to visit my parents. Hannah threw a fit, Kenzie went trick-or-treating with them. Eventually Hannah got over whatever horrible life-ending event that caused her tears and helped hand out candy at my parents'. She loved giving it out. When Kenzie returned we went to Mike's parents for some chili and some more trick-or-treats. Then, since it was really only 7:30, because of Daylight Savings, we went to Matt and Cristina's for some serious Rock Band excitement. We jammed out and stayed up too late and ate too much. It was great.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

When I say this is boring, I really mean EXCITING. FUN. MUST READ.

So I'm pretty much turning this blog into a treatise on canning. An ill-informed and lazy treatise that will probably give you food poisoning, but nonetheless, a treatise on canning.

I think I can finally put away the water bath canner that has been lurking on my stove like some medieval cauldron. I like canning, but this year I think I went a little overboard. I now have 27 bottles of applesauce to add to my canning booty. Surely we don't need a tv room. We just need more canned goods to break all over the floor and cut our feet when the world ends by earthquake. And I'm thinking about giving up my job and becoming a designer of applesauce makers, because surely I can do better than the machines we tested.

I know you've already stopped reading, but just in case I still have you, this my friends will be no ordinary tale of Canning. This is the Tale of the Two Applesauce Makers and their DUEL TO THE DEATH. Well, maybe not death, but their duel to the gut-spitting applesauce making finish. Young vs. old. Machine vs. Woman. Exciting. Fun. A must read.

Our tale begins with the homely, yet useful and trusty Victorio Strainer. Although it looked malevolent it was really not a torture device. Instead it was a handy tool in the making of applesauce. Wash the apples, cut up the apples, boil the apples (using just a little bit of water because they boil out a lot of juice), feed the apples through the trusty Victorio and viola! The seeds and core go one way, while the applesauce boils out into a bowl as you turn the crank. My mom has owned Victorio for years and years.

This year, a new dude entered the scene. Mr. Kitchenaid Strainer Attachment, borrowed from my neighbor. He looked sleek, powerful and quick. Could he do the job that Victorio had done so faithfully? And could he do it with less mess, less work and more quickly? The tests were set up, Mr. Kitchenaid was put to work. And lo and behold, he had copied his style from Victorio-- with the machine cranking for you. So you don't bang your knuckles accidentally on the counter while turning the crank. Not that I ever did that before. I just can imagine.

First off they tested his speed--could this machine from the future beat out Victorio and Vickie cranking away? He tried his best, but he was unable to beat the quick turning hands of Vickie and the Victorio--a winning combination full of wonderful consonation.

Next test, yield. Mr. Kitchenaid may have been slower, but was it because he did a more thorough job? Why yes, yes it was. But maybe that was because Victorio was getting old and feeble after 30 years of service. Then in rushed a masked man. Pushing both machines to the floor he stood on the counter and yelled that no one would ever beat his method of applesauce making. He kissed the heroine and rode off into the night. The end.

We'll never know if Mr. Masked Man really has a better applesauce method because he ran away.

Here's my conclusions about Victorio vs. Kitchenaid. Victorio is messy and is hard to attach to countertops--it seems best attached to a cutting board and it moves. I don't have a cutting board. Victorio only works at my mom's. Although, Victorio has a generous loading mechanism. You can practically load all your wrinkled, cooked apples into it at once. It also had more surface area for applesauce to come out, helping make it the fastest draw in the west.

Kitchenaid--Oh dear. They really could have done so much, but they chose mediocrity. Ironically, this too will work only at my mom's, since she has one and I don't. Anyway, you set your machine on a 4--it goes as high as a 10, and attach your Victorio looking in miniature stuff. Could they not have designed something to harness all that power into churning out applesauce faster? I guess not, since it finished the applesauce 2 minutes slower than my mom operated Victorio and about the same with Stephanie operated Victorio. Also, it has a wimpy, wimpy cinch sack loading mechanism, requiring you to stand over the machine and load apples practically one at a time. But in our tests, it averaged 1/2 c. to 1 c. more yield than the Victorio. If you don't already own a Kitchenaid this is the far more expensive option. Victorios go for around $50, while Kitchenaids go for around $289 plus $80 for the attachments. Phew. I think I'll just keep borrowing stuff for awhile.

Conclusion: I wish they would invent something better for the Kitchenaid. While they're at it could they make it cheaper and more durable as well?

This year I got my apples from my kind neighbors, who have grown them for 30 years. We filled our three different size coolers full and that made 3 batches in my 9-jar canner. Thank you to my mom for helping me and Mike for being the kind soul that he is. Also Thank you Disney for entertaining my children.

And now I'm done. I promise not to bore you again about canning. EVER.