Let this be a lesson to you. Never promise yourself that you will be happy with your weight at some point in the future. Because then you will get pregnant and gain weight copiously. Or maybe that's what you should do. Anyway. . .
In honor of this 3-month along growing little peanut, which we are very excited for, I thought I would do a random blog post on "things" about pregnancy.
"Things I love about Pregnancy"
1. A baby comes at the end (and generally speaking about three months after they are born and we are starting to sleep a little this makes me very happy)
2. I actually have a cup size for a little bit.
And that about sums it up. Being pregnant is not my favorite thing in the world, but I am grateful and I will not write a list of things I hate about pregnancy. Because it's good. Pregnancy is good.
"Things that help me during Pregnancy"
1. Those dorky donut cushions for your butt
2. A bra extender. (Haven't heard of it? You need one. Here's a picture with lots of white space.) 3. Vitamins because if I thought vegetables were disgusting before, during pregnancy they are despicable. Horrid. Trash-can smelling. Vile. Gag-reflex inducing.
"Things people lie about when you are pregnant"
1. How pregnant you really look
2. That special glow (You mean all the extra zits and rashes that break out across my body? Yes, those do give off a certain glow.)
3. That the delivery is the hard part.
4. Your due date (those lying doctors.)
5. "morning" sickness
6. Your pre-pregnancy size will be the size of your maternity clothes. (Multiply your pre-pregnancy size by 3 and that's my m-clothes size, thanks. And at the end, just buy bolts of material and wrap me in them because it still won't cover my belly)
"Things I feel while pregnant"
1. GIVE ME SOME FOOD NOW! Does anyone else find it highly ironic that at the moment everything becomes nauseous your body starts demanding food all of the time? "Okay, okay," I tell it, "but what should I eat that I won't barf up all over again? So far not bananas. Not raisin bran. Not vegetables. Bread. Lots and lots of bread at 11 p.m. at 5:00 a.m. Whenever.
2. DON'T TOUCH ME
3. WHERE IS THE TOILET?
4. WHY IS MY BODY FALLING APART?
5. I WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER BABY AGAIN
As you can see I am highly pleasant to be around. Please send your condolences to Mike. Or maybe send him some curses because lately he has said, "Are you sure this isn't all in your head? You've just read a lot of books about being sick and now. . ." Blah, blah blah.
I said, "Excuse me?" And stood up so I could kick him in the groin. Because I'm pretty sure that's all in his head. He's just seen a lot of males grimace in pain when they are kicked there, so he thinks it will hurt. It's all in his head.
Well, that's about it for now. I'm due May 28th and I won't be putting up one one of those cute little sidebar countdowns. It will drive me nuts. My fondest dream in the world is to wake up one day with stomach cramps and wonder what they are and then go to the hospital and wow! Suddenly there's a baby, so since that dream has already been foiled, I will do the next best thing: not keep track of exact days. And when I'm not feeling like a wet-behind-the-ears sailor I'll pretend I'm not pregnant. :)