Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Rage, Rage Against Trifles

When I was little from inside our house we could hear our neighbor yelling from inside her house at her boys. She had quite a set of pipes and I remember thinking, "She must be a pretty angry person. I won't ever yell like that."

Since parenthood is all about dining sumptuously on the words you previously said, of course I have yelled like that.

Yesterday in fact. And it was stupid.
Here, let me set the scene:
Hannah and Kenzie had their cousins over to play. I had gone in to use the bathroom and when I came out, Ellie, who had just been put down for her nap 30 minutes ago, was crying. ARGHHHHH.  Hannah and Koy were downstairs playing loudly by Ellie's bedroom. "Out!" I said in a furious whisper, pointing up the stairs with fire in my eyes. I wasn't at yelling level because that would only exacerbate the situation.

Right now the largest goal in my life is Naps and Bedtime. I suppose I'm OCD about it.

I hoped Ellie would go back to sleep if I took the kids outside and let it be quiet for a bit. She really should have been sleeping. Really. She missed her morning nap and needed a good couple hours to make up for it.

We headed outside and I put some sunscreen on Kenzie and squirted some into my hands to get ready for Hannah. "Hannah come and get some sunscreen."  She looked at me and stayed where she was.

"Hannah come and get some sunscreen right now, or you have to go inside."


My blood pressure was already high.  I was already super ticked that she had woken up Ellie, and now I had sunscreen all over my hands and she was going to make me get out of my chair in the shade and act on my threat in front of her friends.

Hannah ran around the yard, hiding behind the trampoline. I think if I was a bull I would have snorted and pawed the ground. I probably did snort. And I wiped the sunscreen on my hands on the grass so I could grab the little sucker.

"Hannah! If you don't get over here right now, you will be very sorry!!!!!"  I was yelling. The cousins cowered in terror. Hannah giggled and in a last ditch effort to avoid my charge jumped into the swim pool.

I waded into the pool, grabbed her by the arm and yelled some more. I managed to keep it a PG sort of yell.  "DANG IT ALL TO HECK! YOU ARE STAYING IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL YOUR FATHER COMES HOME! OR UNTIL YOU STOP DISOBEYING!"

I dragged her unceremoniously up to her room and heard Ellie screaming her guts out. Fantastic. I went back outside and calmed myself down before going back in to get Ellie. I checked on Hannah but she was pretending to sleep (soaking wet in her bed), so I ignored her and went back outside with Ellie.

Later, after my heart rate was restored to normal, I went back in to talk to Hannah. I felt pretty bad for yelling.  And for getting so angry. We made a deal with each other. I would practice not yelling if she would practice obeying.

So I'm going to try a little harder to be a little better. It was sunscreen. I could have handled that situation a lot better.


Kristyn said...

If it makes you feel any better, Steph, it wasn't about the sunscreen. It was about the disobeying. You didn't yell about sunscreen. Don't beat yourself up. You are an awesome mom, and we all know it! :)

Anonymous said...

It was probably the organic (not the healthy kind) chemicals they put in sun screen (no more titanium dioxide) that soaked into your skin and worked their way up into your brain, triggering subconsciously your feelings of distraught and abhorrence while at the DMV, which were then carried from your brain to your mouth by those chemicals. At least you're not on prozac (yet). =D

Emily Widdison said...

I wish we lived closer...we would get along great:)