Friday, September 24, 2010

Potpourri

I'm going to write a book. I'll call it "How to Raise Children Without Slashing Your Wrists" It won't be overdramatic at all.
Chapter Synopsis
1. Look, maybe you aren't cut out for procreation
2. Too late, Now What?
3. The TV as Babysitter and Sanity Saver
4. Send them to Grandmas, but don't be surprised if they come back entitled and high on sugar
5. Discipline techniques that don't work, but make you feel Angrier, which makes you feel powerful, which makes everyone cry in the end
6. Accepting your role as Wicked Witch of the West
7. Who needs Love when you've got Guilt?
8. Removing the door handles to your children's rooms and other effective time-out strategies
9. Sleep deprivation, Repitition, and other Torture techniques (how to survive when your children use them on you)
10. Cleanliness is next to Craziness

What chapters would you include?

13 comments:

Michelle said...

BAHAHAHA! It's like you're reaching into my brain and pulling all this out but making it sound a lot more poetic (and less vulgar). I would add "Potty training - the worst 8 weeks of your life."

Michelle said...

More like, "Changing poopy diapers until puberty or potty training: the pros and cons of each."

Emily said...

I've been lurking here for months because of Mormon Mommy Blogs. Even though I think we live in different states, because of this post I wish we could be friends :). You nailed mommyhood!

Em Russ said...

oh my gosh, I love you. seriously!

Kristen and Gang said...

11. You thought you knew what coordination was before you tried this. (The line I used on the delivery man we passed who was staring at me pushing addison on the scooter and alex in the stroller at the same time).

Emily Widdison said...

We have a case of the 6 year olds, 4 year olds and 1 1/2 year olds at our house. Life is too hard for them too. I loved your 3 year old post. I was nodding my head the whole time...many of my days are like that too.

I would include all of those chapters but lately...chapter 5.

Marcie said...

You are so funny, and just so you know I would definetly buy your book!

Nearly Flowers said...

Funny post.

Ch. 11 - Child Abuse Law - Loopholes and How to Bend Them in Your Favor

Amber Chappell said...

How about "411 on Bodily Fluids: Poop, Blood, Snot, etc.

Pebley Family said...

Love them all!!

Jordan said...

This cracks me up! I just love it. Oh, BTW, i found ya from Michelle's blog:)

Hilary said...

I'm sensing a bestseller here...

michaela said...

I posted and linked back top your blog! You hit this nail on the head!
http://azhoenigmanfamily.blogspot.com/2010/10/im-going-to-write-book.html