I'm going to write a book. I'll call it "How to Raise Children Without Slashing Your Wrists" It won't be overdramatic at all.
1. Look, maybe you aren't cut out for procreation
2. Too late, Now What?
3. The TV as Babysitter and Sanity Saver
4. Send them to Grandmas, but don't be surprised if they come back entitled and high on sugar
5. Discipline techniques that don't work, but make you feel Angrier, which makes you feel powerful, which makes everyone cry in the end
6. Accepting your role as Wicked Witch of the West
7. Who needs Love when you've got Guilt?
8. Removing the door handles to your children's rooms and other effective time-out strategies
9. Sleep deprivation, Repitition, and other Torture techniques (how to survive when your children use them on you)
10. Cleanliness is next to Craziness
What chapters would you include?