Monday, November 15, 2010

Just for a minute let's pretend this is a family journal, not my narcisstic rants about the STUPIDITY of FAULTY, INEFFECTIVE dishwashing detergent. I'm buying a dog to lick my dishes clean. I tried to buy some Lemishine (I'm always looking for new things to add to my Walmart shoppping list. Because I don't spend enough money.), but of course Walmart was sold out. Imagine that. Those people over at Lemishine have never had it so good.

Well to take my mind off of my Phosphorous-Free Dish-Dirtying Detergent I decided to go and scrub my clothes dryer. What? You've never had the personal pleasure of lying on your back on that little tiny dryer door (which you're sure will collapse at any moment) inhaling Comet fumes, cursing Crayola, and scrubbing the bejewels out of your dryer walls? Well I recommend it for everyone as a great way to wind down and relax. After that perhaps you can have a large appliance burning in the backyard. There now. Don't you feel better?

While I was scrubbing the dryer I thought of a few insults to hurl when I'm really mad. Not that I ever get mad. But just in case Mike were on the couch reading a book while I scrubbed the crayon from the dryer and he happened to wander down and say, "You're not supposed to lean on the dryer door like that. It can't take the weight." And then when I threw some gloves at him and told him it was his turn and to make sure he got it off the *%$ top, and he said, "What are you talking about 'the top'?" You do realize that it turns, right?", this is what I might say:

"You piece of Cascade."
"You Cascade Action Gel Pack!"
"May your wife die and your children have infinite crayons in their pockets that are undetected in the laundry."
"May the phosphorous be removed from your dishwashing detergent."
"May you be forced to dial 801 every time you make a local call and may you have to buy Lemishine."
"May you always have to eat off of Cascade-cleaned dishes."
"May all your underwear and white shirts have purple streaks on them."
"You Cascade-loving, Crayon-In-the-Dryer Head!"

Oh yeah,  we were going to pretend this was a family journal. Okay October:
We went up to Mike's Grandma's cabin to see the leaves and had a good time playing in the stream and on the swing.

Hannah loves water and she and Kenz had a great time pretending to be mermaids in the stream. Until they actually got wet. Then it was no fun.

Cute Kenzers. She loved swinging out over the water and wished the zipline were in working order. 

Ohhh Ellie. Maybe if we throw some leaves at you it will look like we are real photographers. Or maybe not. You're still cute though.
 For our next adventure, Hannah and I went on a little ward/Joy school field trip to Black Island Farms. We went on a tractor ride, played on the slides, watched the pig races and had a good time.

Hannah even got to pick her own pumpkin which she colored black.
Next Mike and I went to a high school dance. Okay, it was a murder mystery party. It turns out that I killed Mike with a Rubik's cube. I think he stole the phosphates out of my dishwashing detergent or perhaps he said something about a dryer door. Poor sap. 

Oh how I miss the 80s. They were so bodacious. NOT. Kenzie and Hannah have appropriated my shoes and that vest has a special place in my closet. 

I'd have to say we look hot. The sad thing is that I remember doing my hair just like this. 
Someday I will get to Halloween, probably around Christmastime. Oh the irony.


Em Russ said...

I feel like every comment I leave for you is the same... you are hilarious. You totally crack me up and I needed to start this day with a list of awesome insults to keep me going. I may borrow them!

I'm totally diggin' your outfit and I remember doing my hair exactly like that too. (I am sure I have pictures of MIKE in the 80s, but his hair was pretty much the same...)

Tobi said...

I really dislike the lack of phosphates too. I've switched to the Walmart brand of dishwasher soap. I even bought two bottles...just in case.

And please don't revive the 80's. It firmly belongs in the past. Although my 12 year old niece thinks anything Neon is the height of cool. GAH!

Tori said...

That 80s pic is awesome! You hit total authenticity with that hair! Wow. Christina has never looked so confident with that smug hair flip! Haha!

Sherrie said...

Will cascade cuss for you today.

Hollie said...

You always make me laugh. I'm glad that someone understands my hatred of a phosphate free world, though I'm not as well spoken (or is it written?)about it as you.

Emily Widdison said...

thank you.
Your posts always make me smile!

I am so mad about Cascade detergent...I knew something was up! It doesn't work!

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you're still a Hansen even though you've changed your last name. ;-)
Pam's dishwasher works just fine, we've had no problems, I'm not sure what you're doing wrong.