Making Quiet Books for Church

** I had to add these links after finding them on UCreate's Top Ten Tutorials. (My friends Kathryn and Melissa and their cute blog Nannygoat are featured in the list!)

Here are some links for making Quiet Books:

Homemade By Jill Quiet Book (Oh so cute and free templates)
How To Make A Quiet Book Her instructions are very detailed with supplies needed and good pics of finished pages.
Modest Maven's Sew A Quiet Book Post She was able to keep her costs under $10! She has great instructions as well
Nap Time Journal's Quiet Book Ideas She used a coloring book for inspiration and drew the pages onto muslin. I like how her pages aren't attached to the cover. That way each child can work on a page, instead of making individual books for each child.
Crafty Chic's A Girl's Quiet Book The puzzle page in her book is one of my favorites. She doesn't give detailed instructions, but has some cute ideas.
Linda Stocking's Quiet Books These are the patterns I used to make my books. The advantage here is that she preprints her pages on Pellon. The disadvantage is the cost of the kits, $35 plus materials. I love how mine turned out. They were perfect for someone with no sewing skills and no ideas of my own. She's having a January sale so check it out!

I Still Have All 10 Fingers

I know y'all like to spend December doing fun things with your families, creating great traditions and celebrating the spirit of the season, but personally, I enjoy spending the month of December cursing, inflicting wounds on my hands and experiencing a general feeling of incompetence.

Every December I experience "Craft Delusion Syndrome." While the Thanksgiving turkey is still settling and people are out buying laptops and beating each other up for the latest toy, C.D.S. sets in for me. I begin to imagine lovely, handmade gifts for all the special people in my life. Visions of blankets, books, and cuteness dance before my eyes. I don't remember that I suck at crafting until late at night Dec. 24th while instead of being jolly and excited, I am crying about my failures in the cold, dark basement and wondering if perhaps I have some gift cards hiding somewhere that I can give instead of my half-finished project.

This year, I decided that I needed to finally make the quiet books that I'd been dreaming of since the beginning of our Fight-to-the-Death sacrament (church) meetings. I kind of knew what to expect since I had made a few pages for my niece and nephew once, but, like childbirth and pregnancy, my memories had faded. So I've been hiding in the cold (there is no heater vent in our tv room), dark basement SEWING! of all things.

I'm happy to say that I actually have a finished (kind of) project with only minor injuries to my hands and soul (for all the cursing). The girls took them to church today and were entertained enough to make the C.D.S. worth it. Although, I did vow that next year all C.D.S. projects had to be completed by Dec. 22nd, so I could at least save a little bit of my soul.

Now I just have to pull myself together enough to make covers for the dang things. Here's a few pictures of the dang cute things. Before you are overly impressed, these are made from a kit that can be purchased from a really nice lady at ldsquietbooks.com.

Each cute vegetable detaches and reattaches with velcro.

More velcro matching fun. Each number and prophet picture detaches. On each number is a well-known thing about that prophet.

This page is supposed to have an I-Spy bag on it. But I didn't have the stamina to make one of those after all the other sewing I did. But it has some dolls and clothes that the girls can play with. Also those boots lace and tie (just like it says! Wow!) Each book has 10 pages of different activities.

This was a huge time commitment and a little bit of money for me. The kits cost $35 each, but don't include all the materials you need to make them. I had a "Party" and was able to get one kit free. I spent roughly $14 for pellon and wonder-under (with two 50% off coupon at Joanne's) and then, since I only experience C.D.S. once a year, I had to buy a lot of supplies like thread, material and crafty things that other people have rolling around in their underwear drawers. That was about $90. That's a grand total of about $73 per book. wowsa! The Pioneer book was more expensive because it required a lot of little crafty things like mini clothes pins and ox fur. I know you can do this cheaper if you play your coupons right and buy the pages on sale, individually. (She has sales twice a year, I think). Anyway, I love these books and hope they will last a long freaking time.

The Best Books and Products/Tools for New Mothers

I originally wrote this letter to my little sister, but wanted to put it on the blog, because someday I will recommend these same books/tools to my children (because they will totally want my advice about parenting, right?) and the librarian in me wants to recommend them to new mothers everywhere. 

I wish I were some awesome parent with everything put together, but it's just me, your older imperfect sister with four crazy kids. I've got nothing but some of my favorite books, my favorite products, and personal, unproven, highly-suspect opinions about how everything should be done. I'm sure you can form your own opinions as you go, so I'll try to leave those out. But here is my advice on the all-important subjects of sleeping, eating, and surviving.

Sleeping: 

Best books:

• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth provides lots of research based, good advice. Although, his philosophy seems to focus entirely on the baby's sleep, and doesn't take into account that you must live. I liked his charts so I could look and see what the "norm" for hours slept was each age. And he's right about sleep being a HUGE factor in how happy your baby is. 
• Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg  This is one of my favorites. I like her sense of humor and practicality. Her EASY (eat, activity, sleep, you) philosophy is a simple, easy to remember (because your sleep-deprived brain needs simple things) method that really works. I definitely struggle with parenting my children once they get past two, but I have had happy babies and I attribute following this method as the reason why. 

Tools to help you succeed: 

• White noise machine. I didn't use this with Kenzie or Hannah, because I didn't really need it yet. We were mostly quiet people. But once we got to Ellie and Norah, there was no quiet. If it is quiet, there is trouble brewing. So they definitely took longer naps when the white noise machine was on. Maybe you'll want one now because it's noisy with the dog, or someone snores (Ali?). But nothing is worse than waking up a baby accidentally. Okay, maybe if the baby got hurt it would be worse, but really it is a terrible, terrible tragedy to wake a sleeping baby. And for traveling or camping, the white noise machine can be your best friend.
• Benadryl. Just kidding. That's for desperate, desperate times and only when they're older. And it can backfire. (Not that I have any experience with this. I've just heard. From a neighbor.) 

My Two Cents:

• Start as you intend to go on. It may seem silly because she's so little right now, but if you begin a routine before bed she will learn when it's time to sleep. Choose what you like to do and then do the same thing every time. We keep it simple. With Norah, I give her her binkie, swaddle her in a blanket, sing her a song and lay her down. Then I walk out and she goes to sleep. When she was tiny, obviously this didn't always work, but now it works like a charm. Mike's routine is a little different than mine, but the key is that we do the SAME thing every time. I've added a story, and I just put her blanket on instead of swaddling her, but it's still the same 10 min routine every night. (Even my older girls love routines.)

Eating:

 

Best books: What to Expect the First Year This book is a general book about almost everything, but I like its section on feeding the baby and I like the Q&A format. Also they talk about how to mix nursing and bottlefeeding, which is great. I muddled through a nursing/bottlefeeding mix with all of my kids and never found a non-crazy book about breastfeeding. They all seemed to say "Feed your baby, whenever wherever she/he wants." Crazy. The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is much more practical about setting up a schedule. I'm sure there's a good feeding your baby book out there, maybe someone else can tell you what it is. 

Tools to help you succeed: 

• Medela Breast Pump -Seriously those hand pumps are for people who like to grind their own corn into flour with a stone.
• Formula- Some books/people might make you feel bad about using formula, but if you use it, try to block them out-it's food, it allows your baby to be full, grow and be happy. Yes breastfeeding is awesome and wonderful and bonding, but so is formula. No one I know has ever said to their mother, "It's because you didn't breastfeed me when I was a baby." 
• Burp Cloths --You need like 47 of these. At least. Because who has time to do laundry when you have a baby? And spitting up/throwing up is normal. Babies do it a lot. 
• Awesome Nursing Bra -- I already told you about these Bravado bras, but it's worth repeating. Take care of the girls and life will be better.
• Good Bottles-The Playtex Drop-Ins are my favorites. It is kind of a bummer to buy new liners, and you're ruining the environment, but at 2:30 a.m. when all the dishes are dirty and the baby is wailing and for the love of everything holy, you just want to find a clean bottle, the liners are fantastic. 
• Sippy Cups-- Eventually your child will grow and it's time to ditch the bottle. Find a sippy cup that is spill-proof and doesn't use a removable valve. We just use the removable valve ones, since they leak the least. But I always lose the valves. I swear, they should have spill-proof cups until they are 18.
• Baby food Grinder Buying baby food is fine, but it's so much easier to just plop some of your food into a grinder and feed it to them. Plus, it introduces them to the kind of food you will expect them to eat eventually. (Start as you mean to go on!)

My Two Cents:

• Routine. Follow the EASY routine and you will be happy. Once she turns two you can start making her clear her plate and sweep. Ok, maybe not sweep yet. 

Surviving:

Best books:

• The Girlfriends Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood by Vicki Iovine. Hilarious and true. If I wrote a book, it would be this one. 

Tools to help you succeed: 

• Chocolate
• A good husband (oh look, you already have one of those!)
• A good sister (wow! You have one of those too!)
• A good friend to talk to
• Your mother 

My Two Cents: Find a routine for yourself that involves exercise, spiritual nourishment, service, and set some goals in the major categories of life: Physical, Spiritual, Mental, Emotional.

Don't be afraid of feeling down sometimes, talk about it, share what you're feeling or it becomes bigger than it is.  

You are doing great! And when you don't, it's ok, you get another chance tomorrow. And the next day, and the next. . .

 

So Darn Repair-astic

*Warning* I've stopped believing in brevity.
I can't find an adjective that means "good at construction and being a handyman." What's a good word?
Because that is what Mike has been this past week. Starting with replacing the back and front brakes on our car last Friday, moving to replacing faulty electrical outlets (The microwave wasn't working, and I was convinced it was the microwave, not the outlet. I had to use the oven to cook chicken nuggets this week. I felt like a pioneer except I didn't have to wear a dress, gather buffalo chips, cook over an open fire, or walk thousands of miles), and finishing with ripping out our nasty floor and front door and replacing it. The "insulation" on our old door consisted of the wood trim. They put the door in and didn't seal it or anything. They didn't bother to move the sprinkler they had trained directly on it either, so hence the nasty rotting pothole next to the door.
Now we have a new door, and we will soon have a new floor (thanks to the leftovers from my parents' wood floor), and a new piece of wall (which means we have to paint!). On Friday, I'm getting the nasty carpets cleaned.

I was reading Mary's picture tag and one part says to take a picture of your favorite room in your house and I thought about what I would take a picture of and felt depressed. I guess I could go outside and take a picture of my backyard. I like it better than any room in my house.
My next project is to make at least one room in our house my favorite room. Maybe, once the entryway is done I'll pretend it's a room and put a chair down there (it's only like 3'X7', just wide enough to open the door), that way I'll feel better about my plain-jane house. I'll post pictures of the new entryway when the floor is in (hopefully on Wednesday). Good job Mike! You are amazing.

Now it's time for a kiddo update:
Hannah is busy trying to rule the universe and eat all the candy in it. She loves her sister "Ten-sie!" and follows her around trying to act like a mini-me. Lately she tries to tell me to "Fix it." But she can't really pronounce Xs. So it sounds like she is saying a really bad swear word. Especially when she starts yelling in frustration, because I don't wrap the dolly in the right manner. Adorable.

She doesn't say "Yes," although she tries to repeat everything else we say. Instead she nods her head very solemnly. That really is adorable. Her favorite things are dollies and the book "Fancy Nancy." I don't understand this Fancy Nancy addiction (at her age). She honestly loves that book. It is one of the only ones she will sit still for and she brings it to me all the time asking me to read, "Fancy, Fancy." Her latest obsession with "hugs, hugs" comes from the picture at the end of the book where the little sister gives Fancy Nancy a hug. That is a sweet book.


Kenzie is such a sweet big sister. I poured her a glass of hot chocolate and she called Hannah upstairs so she could share with her. She loves to share with Hannah and laughs (nicely) when Hannah tries to copy her, "Silly Hannah-Banana." Kenzie loves Joyschool, hates her tumbling class when she's not there, and loves playing dress up. She won't eat any food at dinner but says sweetly at the beginning of each meal, "Thank you for making this delicious dinner." She loves breakfast cereal and is seriously upset when I make pancakes or waffles (which rarely happens anyway).
Her memory is phenomenal. One week she was crying about tumbling saying she didn't want to go, so I told her she had to at least go three more times because I'd already paid for it. That quieted her down and she seemed okay with tumbling. I forgot all about the tumbling hatred. Then on the way home last week she said to me, "Mom, it's been three times." At first I had no idea what she was talking about, and murmured something like, "Oh hmmm." Then I remembered about her three week ago melt down. Yeah, so much for me and my promises because I still made her go to tumbling, saying something lame like, "Well, we're still going."

I'm waffling on the tumbling thing, because she likes it so much when she is there, and because I don't want to teach her that quitting is how to deal with things. On the other hand, I don't want to be one of those insane parents who pushes and pushes their children and yells things like, "I didn't have these opportunities when I was your age! Do it! You will live the life I never had."
So, I can't decide what to do about that. I love this rocking chair. Every night I rock both of my girls for just one song as part of our bedtime routine. For awhile I was only rocking Hannah, but one night Hannah didn't want to rock with me. It made me so sad, I asked Kenzie (in an attempt to garner Hannah's jealousy) if she wanted to rock with me. She jumped at the chance and cried the next night when I told her she was too big to rock every night. As I write this, I can see what a lousy parent I am in so many ways. I don't mean to be. I'm trying not to be so lame. Now I rock both my girls.
Chik chik, chik chik
Back and forth.
In the quiet your
hair dusts my cheek.
Chik chik, chik chik
My heart keeps time
And I hold you gently, trying not to squeeze too hard--
Knowing that you won't always want this.
And in this moment,
Chik chik, chik chik
Going nowhere means Everything.

Christmas and the Cat (A post that starts out funny then devolves into a travelogue)

Now that I have a cat (thank you Santa Claus), I can put up stupidly adorable cat pictures and write in that strange cat language that cat people seem to love on that icanhazcheezburger web site. Wait, before you unsubscribe, I is kiddingz.

Perhaps the cat and I will be enemies. What could be more fun than writing about my nemesis, The Cat? Unfortunately, so far she has proven unformidable (not a word, but should be). She curls up adorably in her cat bed. She has yet to scratch Kenzie and Hannah's eyes out even though they have danced with her and hefted her around like a sack of potatoes. She is already litter box trained. And she is cute and cuddly. I don't think I can hate her. Also, due to my "circumstance," I can't clean out the litter box. I guess we might have to be friends. But we'll see.

Christmas was relatively marvelous around here. Mike took from Tuesday on off and we spent the time wrapping up some last minute details. On the 23rd we went sledding and took the girls to see the Layton lights. On the 24th, I planned to make the day all special and stuff, but instead I spent the day sewing quiet books (more to come on this in a later post).

That evening we went to the annual C-clan party where the girls dressed up as angels for the nativity. Hannah and her cousin Gracie danced joyfully throughout the re-enactment. It was adorable. We left a little bit early and came home to read the Christmas story and open our Christmas Eve pjs.

Kenzie and Hannah were excited, but they were pretty tired and went right to sleep. I think. I couldn't hear them over my mad sewing and consequent cursing to notice if they stayed up late. Mike helped me set eyelets and cut out pictures.

Mike said my dad needed his help at midnight to put something together for my mom, a surprise. After he left I finished up a few things and fell into a coma, until I was awakened at 6:00 by loud mewing. The girls slept until normal time, eightish. As they were running out of their room, the kitty ran to greet them and trumped everything else. They were so excited.

Then we spent the rest of the morning convincing them that their other presents were exciting too. "Hey, look at these other presents. Look, don't you want to open them?" They spent the rest of the morning following the cat around saying, "Oh kitty. Kitty, kitty. Come here kitty. She wants to sleep on our bed."

We told the girls they had to think of a name. Kenzie said, "How about Kickety-Bickety?" This is her favorite name. She asked me if we could name our new baby Kickety Bickety.

So, wanting to save that name for the baby :), I said, "Well that's a nice name. Let's think of some more."

"How about Molly?" said Kenzie. "Because she mauls things."

Mike and I laughed heartily and thus the cat was christened Mauly.

Hannah loved Mauly. Then an errant scratch made her terrified. Since then it's been love/hate. Hannah loves to follow her around and then suddenly screeches about Mauly and how scary she is. She pets her lovingly and then pushes her off her chair. Perhaps this is good practice for how we shall treat (or not treat) the new baby. Kenzie carts her around and mothers her. She doesn't complain about scratches and loves her.

Mike surprised me with a new couch (Hooray, hooray, hooray!). He hid it in the garage when I fell into a coma. I'll have to post a picture when we bring it upstairs.

I didn't surprise Mike but he was excited nevertheless with his huge new monitor. Huge. It's larger than Hannah. (Maybe not, but it is large.) This, he says, is just the beginning of our dream computer.

After our morning festivities we headed over the Chambers for brunch and more presents. Here Shirley is excited about the food dehydrator we all bought her.

Kenzie got an erasable alphabet book that kept her entertained for the rest of the morning. She was also super excited about her princess painting book from Gracie. Hannah was upset about everything. The day before she had complained about her ear hurting, and we were going to take her in to Instacare, but she stopped complaining so we figured it was a sore in her ear that she'd been picking at. She was a little mollified by the puzzle she got from Koy and the book from Grandma and Grandpa but mostly she was just miserable.

By the time we got to my mom and dad's house that afternoon she was complaining about her ear and starting to burn up. She cried that she wanted to go to sleep. We quickly opened presents on arrival. The highlight was Hannah's new Fancy Nancy doll, which she clung to and said to Kenzie, "Now I have a Fancy Nancy, just like yours." It was true love. Right after that she went down for a nap with Fancy Nancy in tow.

Kenzie's fondest dreams were realized when my parents gave her a "Strawberry Shortcake house with all her friends." (The only thing she wanted from Santa Claus.)

I was excited because we surprised my mom. This never happens. She is the queen of guessing and always says, "I knew it. I just knew it," because she does. But this year Alisha, Shaelynn and I framed an oil painting she bought 3 years ago in Italy. We stole it from her closet. She was really surprised.

It was nice to see my Grandma Bette and Grandpa Charles, who were at my parent's house. They joined us with Ali and Shaelynn and my parents in a game of "Imagine if." The girls love their new bouncing balls from them. Hannah bounces all over the house now that she feels better.

We were going to head to my mom's family party after that, but Hannah was burning up so we opted for home and bed. Hannah is doing much better now and the girls are enjoying all their new stuff. As are we (a new Kitchenaid! A wheat grinder! I'm so excited and spoiled.)

We have about 200 pictures so I'll have to put together a little slideshow for posterity or something. I feel grateful that we were able to have such a nice Christmas. I hope yours was filled with family and fun! Merry Christmas.

Instructions on How to Make a Bottom Bunk Bed Tent

How to Make a Bottom Bunk Bed Tent (inspired by homemadebyjill's felt playhouse)
**Updated 7/8/2012--It's only taken a year and a half, but Pictures of the Top Bunk Bed Tent are posted here with very, very basic tips on how to make your own top bunk bed tent.

1. Measure bunk bed. At first I wanted mine to hang down from the slats underneath the top bunk, to avoid the ladder, but it hung so much nicer from the safety railing rungs. I think I might make the door way under the ladder next time, or something clever that would make it hang better right there. As it is I just put the ladder over it and it seems to be holding up okay.

2. Buy supplies. I bought snaps, ribbon, bias tape, two lengths of fabric in my measured size, and thread. I bought two pieces of 80" cotton fabric. I washed the fabric too. I don't know why. It just shrunk it and wrinkled it.  Next time I would totally buy felt (they sell it by the yard at Joanne's). I chose not to do felt because I didn't like the colors they had in stock and I thought it might be too heavy. But the time sewing on bias tape might have made it worth it. I also bought my straps from Joanne's. I wanted them a couple inches apart and I found the straps, which are a stronger webbing, in the ribbon section. They also sold it by the yard. I intended to use ribbon and just tie it on, but when I found this stuff I thought it would be much stronger, and I had the idea to attach snaps to it, so I could snap it on instead of having to tie it. Velcro would also be another strong, easy idea.

3. I sewed pellon on to reinforce the fabric where I was going to sew the straps, then I pinned the straps on, pinned both pieces of fabric right sides together and sewed them together, leaving a small hole to pull it right side out. After I flipped it right side out, I hand sewed the hole shut. Make sure your straps are facing into the fabric, not out of it, because when you flip it right side out, you might swear.

This is a close up of what my straps look like.

4. I cut my windows with my rotary cutter 15" long and 12" tall, which ended up being too big. They pouched funny at the bottom. That's why I ended up sewing/ hot gluing on the ribbon to help them not fall in. Next time, I would cut round windows (easier to sew bias tape onto), and I wouldn't cut them so big. But I like the ribbon. I think it's cute.  I sewed it on the edges and hot glued it at the crossings, because I got sick of sewing.

I also top stitched some curtains onto the backside of the windows for privacy :) 

5. Next  I cut my door by cutting two slits up from the bottom of the sewn together fabric. I made it 21" wide. I don't know why I chose 21". It just looked right at the time. I would probably make that smaller too. Probably more like 15-18".

6. I sewed bias tape around my windows and up and down both slits for the door. The corners were a pain for me. I'd never sewn bias tape before so I totally botched it. This bias tape video from Amy Karol "Angry Chicken" helped me figure bias tape out, but she didn't talk about corners and all the other videos I watched were about outside corners of blankets or placemats and I don't have the rendering skills to figure out how it applied to my inside corners. My brain does not work like that. That's why I'll do round windows next time. (Next time! Ha!) My mom did the corners that turned out nicely. (thanks mom!) I also sewed some big buttons and elastic loops at the top of the door to hold it up if the girls want. Usually, though, we just tuck it up into the rails when we want to put it up.

7. My roof idea is from homemade by jill as well as my mailbox. The butterfly by the window is a patch that I cut out from felt (using a butterfly graphic from Word) and then decorated with glitter paint and fabric markers. I cut the roof out of some white glitter felt and my mailbox from felt scraps leftover from my quiet book project and sewed them both on. I chose not to cut the mailbox all the way through and left it as a pocket on the outside. I top stitched almost everything. (And if you don't know what that means, join the club. I didn't until this project. It means to sew on top of the fabric.)

8. Using a snap setter tool set I set large snaps into the straps and then hung it on the bed. Viola! Beautiful bottom bunkbed tent. It was a pretty simple.

Look at these fabulous ideas for play tent embellishments from talented people all over the Internet in homemadebyjill's flickr group.  I plan to put a few of these on Kenzie's top bunkbed tent as another project for another day.

Mike sewed and put together the top bunk bed tent. I'll have to get him to write a tutorial. :) And I can't for the life of me figure out if bunkbed is one word or two. So I just randomly decided to try both throughout this post. Spell check says bunk bed. I say whatever.

Here's my schematic of what I initially planned. Those are my measurements too. Sorry it's hard to read because I used scratchpaper and then I made all sorts of notes all over it.

What it's like to breastfeed a baby while caring for other children

It's like trying to conduct a symphony with your arms tied behind your back. Sure the violins basically know what's going on, but those dang violas and that percussion line? They need a lot of direction. And don't even get me started on the french horns.

So, it's slightly difficult. I always complicate things by having preconceived notions about how it's going to go. For some reason breastfeeding a baby looks like this in my head:
I am sitting in a comfortable rocking chair, that was whittled out of a maple tree from one of my great-grandparent's farms, bathed in a glow of soft light, quietly suckling my newborn. Quietly. No one is banging out various minor variations of Mary Had a Little Lamb on the Piano. No one is yelling from the other room, "Kenzie! THATS MINE!" while sobbing hysterically; And no one is trying to climb up onto my lap to "Kiss! Kiss!" the baby while simultaneously trying to gouge the baby's eyes out.

In the lower left corner of this picture you can see poor Norah's head. Ellie's favorite activity while I am nursing is to pull over a stool, place its sharp, cutting surface directly on my feet before I have a chance to move them, and then climb up onto the Boppy to give Norah kisses. She also likes to observe intelligently, while pointing to Norah eating, "Belly Button. Belly Button." We're all about correct anatomy at our house. (I did try to explain it once, but gave up when I figured that it was really more socially acceptable to feed the baby from my belly button.)  

Kenzie and Hannah like to make me nervous by hovering close by and making mother-hen noises. "Oh, little baby Norah," they sing-song, pushing the chair I am sitting in into the newly painted walls and stepping on clean blankets and my feet as they trip headlong into Norah in an effort to rub her little head.

"Don't touch the baby while she's eating. No. Seriously. Let her eat. Okay, guys. I'm feeling a little claustrophobic here. Don't touch her. ALRIGHT. EVERYONE OUT!"

So instead of Norah getting this wonderful quiet mother-bonding time, her eating is punctuated with a series of violent blows and resonant yells. I call it combat nursing. The Boppy should come with riot shields.

I try to be discreet about breastfeeding, but while I am no breast-brandishing La Leche League card-carrier, I do think it's ridiculous to have to throw a blanket over my baby's head while I'm in the privacy of my own home. (Privacy is such a funny word for a mother of four.) Here's how that particular scenario goes:  "Mommy, what's under there? Why are you hiding Norah?" says Kenzie peeking under a corner of the blanket, uncomfortably close to my chest. Hannah wanders over and tries to lift up the blanket, which attracts Ellie to the scene. "Peek-a-boo!" She says pulling the blanket off of me and the baby and then throwing it back violently where it somehow manages to catch Norah in the eye.

Shutting the door results in horrible fights, bloodcurdling screams and crashes which I am sure signify certain death. So I don't do that either.I just pretend that breastfeeding is normal and natural. Because, well, IT IS.

While it's easy (okay easier) to distract the seven and five-year old with a movie, or other activities, I don't have a solution for occupying Ellie (21 months) while I feed Norah. I know the experts recommend reading a book to your other kids while you nurse, but these so-called experts must be people who have never tried to shield a newborn's head and her delicate eyes from the paper-cutting, corner-poking potential of a book in the hands of a toddler). Or they recommend setting up a toy or toys that you only get out when you nurse.  Does anyone have an easy to set-up and store toy, that requires no parental intervention and that absorbs their toddler for 40 minutes? Yeah. Me neither. 

Mostly, Ellie wanders around happily as long as I've made sure she's fed and as long as I let her climb up and maul me and kiss Norah's head once in awhile. I'm hoping that if I don't make a big deal out of it, she'll just get bored of the whole situation. In the meantime I'm on a countdown to March 2013. If Norah and I can make it that far, she's sure to be well on her way to winning Survivor Season 354.  

I do hereby Resolve to Sled more

Now that I'm done sewing my quiet books I can stop swearing and spend more time writing my book. You know, the book that is going to make me rich and famous?

It starts out with a girl named Sherry, Sherry Plotter. She lives in the rainiest city in the U.S. in a cupboard under the stairs. Her friend, a vampire, gave her a ring. But it turns out this ring can rule the world. So she goes off to a school for magicky people called PigBlemishes. There she learns about the werewolves plot to kill the vampires and only the ring can stop them. Or her love. Maybe it's her love that stops them from destroying each other. I'm still working out that detail. It's tentatively titled, "Sherry Plotter and the Cup of Hot Stuff."

Or maybe I'll just spend more time sleeping.

Anyway, we had a great Christmas vacation. Mike took the last two weeks off and we enjoyed sleeping in (he goes to work so early the bats are still out), playing with the girls and hanging some drywall to stop the stupid cat from crawling around the basement ceiling/kitchen floor. She's adorably curled up in my lap right now but really I'm getting tired of her incessant meowing because she's stuck in the ceiling.

While Mike was off we went sledding three times. Hannah loved it the first time we went. Kenzie loved it every single time. Even the time she hit a tree (a small tree).

The first time we went to a park in Clearfield. The only problem with this park was that all the sled hills seem to end at the same large lamp post. I'm not sure how they engineered that, you'll have to ask Mike. We avoided the lamp post by ditching our sleds at the last minute or having Mike divert their paths. And Hannah loved riding the mild hill in her red sled and then being pulled back up again.

The next time we went to a hill by the Roy train station on 4000 s. That is a perfect spot, perfect that is if you start at the right spot.

Kenzie was getting pretty brave by this point and one time she started at a questionable spot, turned backwards and hit a tree. Luckily it was a small tree and she wasn't going very fast. I love sledding but I hate getting hurt and I hate it even worse when my children are hurt (I mean really hurt, not just the fake kind of hurt that they've mastered to get a princess band-aid).

Hannah hated sledding this time. It was still snowing a little bit and the hills were full of powder that blew up into our faces. She despised getting snow in her face and was miserable. I tried to teach her some snow-in-the-face-avoidance tactics but she still wasn't too keen on sledding.

The third time we went back to the Roy Frontrunner station on New Year's Day. It really is a great sledding spot. My mom, Dustin, Alisha and Sophie came with us and we had a great time. Alisha took some really great shots (she's a superb photographer with great rates), but she hasn't sent me any so I can't post them (hint, hint). Mike and I even went with each other a couple times. It made me feel young and giddy again.

The hill is fast enough to be fun for big kids and little kids. Sophie (14 months) wasn't impressed, but she didn't cry either, so I felt like it was a success. Kenzie was having a great time riding alone and climbing up the hill pretty well too. Hannah was sort of miserable again until she discovered sliding down on her bum, which I think my mom introduced her to. Then we all had fun. Kenzie wanted in on the bum sliding action too, so she deserted the sleds and she and Hannah spent the remaining time sliding on their bums with me and my mom. I don't know if we'll be able to get either of them on a sled again. And Mike thinks this is the year to try our little daredevils on skis. Good luck.

The Ultimate Birthday

Fancy Kenzie! Happy Fourth Birthday last week, Darling!

M is for your mah-velous sense of style. Purple army pants and blue striped shirts do match! And orange flowers go with pink shirts, definitely.
C is for your courage- "I won't cry when the doctor gives me a shot. I'll be brave." And how you try so hard not to cry when you fall down.
K is for your kicks and leaps and beautiful tricks and dances. Just today you showed me a "leap turn" And you said you will only use your awesome kicking leaping powers for good-- "I am a Supergirl Princess and I kill bad guys. I bite their bums."
E is for excitement, which you display with your quiet, happy smile and sometimes with your little round oh! mouth. And sometimes if it's really exciting you jump up and down and giggle. Sometimes you scream. You have quite a set of pipes. Although everyone says you have the sweetest little voice, you can be loud and piercing.
N--is for nice. You are so kind to Hannah. She gobbles up her snacks and you give her some of yours. You always try to hug her when she's sad. You are also very concerned about others and love, love, love babies. You get your baby voice out and say things like, "Oh, little Boston." or "You are so cute little Sophie." And then you tickle their toes and bring them treats and kiss them a lot.
Z-Zoom! (Gosh who put a "Z" in your name anyway?) You aren't really a zoomer, although you do love to race me and Hannah into the bathroom or the bedroom and you will often put on your running shoes. If it's a hike or I want you to hurry, usually your "shoes are too tired." You like to rest, and you are a good, good sleeper. Not being a zoomer definitely has it's pluses--you have never ran into the street and been hit by a car. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this.
I- Imagination and Intelligence are two of your best qualities. Smart, smart, smart, you have always been. (You seem to think that I am smart too, always asking me why? why? why? and then when I say, "I don't know." Giving me the eye and saying firmly, "Yes, you do know Mom!") You remember things that we thought you forgot long long ago. You also pick up on things with little or no effort, like letters, numbers, book memorization, spelling your name, etc. As far as imagination goes, your favorite right now is to pretend that you are a baby and I am your dad (yeah, not your mom, your dad.), and you love to pretend that you are Cinderella and I am the prince (why do I always get the boy roles?). During quiet time I sometimes listen as you read yourself books using all different voices for the characters or I peek in and see your ponies arranged in elaborate configurations.
E- Emotional. I mean this in the nicest way, as in a synonym for "sensitive" which as you can see does not start with an 'e'. When the prince dances with Sleeping Beauty at the end of the movie, you cry tears of joy. When you see a sad picture, like of a lonely baby, you get tears in your eyes. When you think about getting married and moving away from me, you cry. Sometimes you just want to be by yourself. And sometimes, even though you're big and brave now, you say to me, "I need some mommy-holding," and you crawl into my lap.
We love having you in our family!

Three princesses and a prince! For our delightful Miss Mckenzie's birthday we invited her cousins over for a tea party (We don't drink tea, just the fruit kind, and you try explaining that to a 4-year-old). Everyone wore their fancy clothes and I made some fancy cupcakes and helped Kenzie make some fancy treat bags for all of her guests. Hannah was unmanageably ornery so she was sleeping when this picture was taken. She woke up in time for cupcakes though.

We played pin the crown on the princess (those magnets they send with the phonebook are so useful!), and a rousing game of duck duck goose.

In our version of this game everyone eventually stands up and runs around screaming. Very exciting.

Kenzie got some Fancy Nancy clothes from Grandma and Grandpa Chambers, to add to her fancy collection, some fun play-doh stuff from Gracie and a princess picture and some butterflies from Kandelyn and Koy. Earlier in the week she got to have a special day with Grandma and Grandpa Hansen and they had their own tea party and they gave her a Fancy Nancy game! Holy Fancy Nancy! Talk about indoctrination. At least Fancy Nancy is a decent role model.

Our tea party was somewhat fancy. At least I bought a pink tablecloth. I did have their cute little treat bags all set up on the tables but children and decorations do not work at our house. Large napkins do though.
Kenzie and Kandelyn have been the best of friends since before they could talk. Sherrie used to watch Kenzie while I coached cross country and Kenzie and Kanders would sign the word, "friend! friend!" whenever I dropper her off. They still love to play together.

Later that night we went to Chuckee Cheese to celebrate. Once Kenzie got the concept of earning tickets she was pretty excited about it, but mostly she just wanted to play on the playground in the sky. We forgot our camera but we were saved by Chuckee. (That sounds kind of scary. It reminds me of some horror movie). I have to say Chuckee Cheese is everything I remember from my childhood. Loud, Exciting, A Kids Dream Come True. Except I don't remember the scraggily looking adult/teens commandeering the easiest games so that they could earn millions of tickets (no kids in sight). (Good job man without a job--You CAN pop bubbles on a screen so fast that you earned 20 tickets with one token!) I tried not to be bitter, but did manage to shoot them a few nasty looks. Hey! I wanted a turn on the bubble popping game.


Happy Birthday Kenzer. We love you.

This is your brain. . . this is your brain on motherhood

Here are a few snippets from what my brain processed yesterday:

With Mike when he got home from school: "And the flash memory was working! I took a wave file and we were sampling at a rate of 2 per second. . ."

During Joyschool: "I gots to tell you something! I gots to tell you something!" "Cough, cough! Teacher, Tayson gave me his cough." "Mom, I just want to be alone."

Before a run with Kenzie and Hannah in the *&%$^# double jogger: "Kenzie, it's cold outside, here's your jacket." "No, Mom! It won't be cold." "Fine. It's really going to be cold though. Let's put your jacket on." "No." "Fine." (I grab her jacket, just in case)

During the run: "Mom! I want to go home! Where are we going? I'm soooo cold. No blanket! It's in my eyes!" Kenzie grabs Hannah's blanket.
"Kenz, if you don't give that back to Hannah, I'm going to take your blanket away. One. . . Two . . .Three . . . Kenz! I'm stopping now. Give me the pink blanket. Here's your pink jacket."
"I don't want my pink jacket! I want my pink blankie."
"Kenzie, here is your pink jacket. It will help you to not be cold. You cannot have your pink blankie. I told you I would take it away. " (Of course I am very calm during this exchange. The only reason I am huffing is because I am out of breath.)
"Nooooooooo! I WANT MY PINK BLANKIE!" (Amazingly, Hannah is quiet. She has reached the "stroller daze" state of mind, where she calmly stares at everything.)
"I'm not stopping again. If you don't want to be cold, put your jacket on right now. One. . . two. . . three. . . Okay I'm going again."
"I want my pink blankie. I want my pink blankie!" (accompanied by heart-rending, screaming sobs)

I am surprised at how mean I can be sometimes. I did not give in. I stuck firmly to my no pink blankie policy, although I did stop after 6 minutes (yes I timed it) of incessant choking sobs to make her put her jacket on and give her some goldfish crackers. Hannah fell asleep.
Here is our conversation after the goldfish. (Amazingly the crying stopped.)

"Mom, you forgot to close the sack." (It was a ziploc bag) I have started running again, only slightly annoyed that I can't run for more than 6 minutes continuously.
"No Kenzie, if I close the sack, you can't get it open."
"Yes I can mom. Like the the the the. . . "
"The Little Engine that could?"
"Yeah, and the little girl." That morning we had our joyschool lesson on trying new things, and of course we read "The Little Engine that Could." I also told a story about a little girl trying the diving board for the first time.
She listened! I was amazed. I had to stop and close the sack. Every week I ask her what she learned at Joyschool and she says, "We had a snack." or "We played with toys " or, my favorite, "About being good." I know that the other moms are giving these awesome lessons, so her answers are just funny. She was so pleased when she managed to open it, and it gave her something to concentrate on.

The end of the run: (finally) "Mom. It's windy. You should put a sweater on." (I am not inappropriately dressed. I have capris and a tshirt on.) "I'm HUFF not really HUFF cold." "Why mom? Why? Why? Why aren't you cold?"
"Because HUFF when we run HUFF HUFF, we get warm."
When we got home, Kenzie promptly ran to her room and put a tank top on. When I told her we couldn't wear just a tank top, she told me it was because she was warm, from going on a run.

Whoever said that "twos" were terrible, hadn't gone through "threes" yet. Does anyone else have a supremely sad and bossy little person? Actually I guess she is more bipolar than just sad. She is so happy one moment, but one wrong move, the wrong cup for water or the wrong way of putting her in the car, and she explodes into inconsolable tears. Sometimes she yells at me that she wants to be alone, then she clings to me and wants me to hold her. She is mercurial!

Kenzie is also very tenderhearted. She is sometimes overwhelmed by loud noises and lots of people, and will put herself in time out at JoySchool, or try to hide from everyone during free playtime. One day she brought me a poetry book that had a picture of a baby in her diaper sitting there alone. She had tears in her eyes. "This baby wants his mommy." She was so sad! We had to give the baby a blanket and a kiss. Today, we were watching the Heffalump Movie (oh boy! This movie only gets better with each showing). At the end, Roo and Lumpy are reunited with their moms after being lost together for a little bit. Kenzie was sitting on my lap and at this point in the movie she burst into tears and wrapped her little arms around my neck.
"Kenzie, why are you crying?"
"I'm not mom. I'm happy." Sweet Kenzie. We'll make it through threes together.

Back-to-School Jig

I am almost staggering under the amount of free time around here these days. I get almost two hours a day of quiet time. TWO! HOURS! And did I say "free"? I meant child-free in the sense of "children are sleeping or pretending to sleep in their bedrooms." But let's be clear that these "free" hours are being used productively.  This productivity will probably return to unabashed wastefulness when the new Downton Abbey comes out, but until then I am doing laundry and packing boxes and other productive things.

This summer was an exercise in self-effacement. I am happy to report that it was much better than last summer. Not so much better that I cried heartily when my two oldest returned to school, but better enough that I felt a moment of wistfulness as #1 and #2 headed into the halls of learning. Thought process: "They are growing up?" Thoughtful, sad pause. "They are growing up!" Begin dancing.

Now that summer is over, I want to review what worked for us and what didn't so next summer I'll be crying hysterically when they return to school. (Because our summer together will just be that awesome.)

Our routines this summer were a good way to keep some semblance of normalcy and control and I think they contributed to our overall happiness. We did pretty well at sticking to them until our week-long vaction in mid-july and then we kind of just hung on until school started. Here's is what worked and what didn't work and why or why not.

In review, biking 100 miles did not happen. But we did make it 30! It just got too hot mid-July and we never got back into the swing of it. So maybe next year we'll have to try doing 50 miles all in June.

Also, I feel like it was a good call to only have one major chore and incorporate more cleanliness into our lives with the routines. For instance, having dinner clean-up be part of our routine instead of a "chore" worked well. We still don't always clean up after ourselves, but we're a little better.

The Pass of all Passes was a good thing, we used it almost weekly. We need one of those for activities up North. Honestly, will someone get on that please? The gas was killing me. Our pass is still good for June of next year, so we'll do it through June, but after that I'm not sure. 

Summer School did not occur as regularly as planned. We did make it through Road Dahl's "The BFG" and Betty Brock's "No Flying in the House" and then somehow we devolved into watching movies.  I think we'll have to be better about this next summer. I had the girls do a drawing book report of their favorite part of "The BFG" and put it in a special notebook and planned to do that for our other books, but that just didn't happen. I found a nice website about family theme days and would like to have Thursday Theme Days or something like that next year. I like this everyday theme idea too.

Hiring a babysitter in the mornings to exercise and grocery shop once a week was a fantastic thing I will do until I feel comfortable leaving the chilies to fend for themselves. I'm guessing that's in about two years, when my youngest can get her own cereal in the morning and my oldest is 10. Or maybe when my youngest has learned enough karate to defend herself from the often ill-intentioned advances of her sisters. I guess we'll see.

If I can find enough spare change I think I will hire a babysitter during the day so I can finally write a novel and become a rich and famous writer. :)

So now I've developed a whole new series of routines for school. They seem to be going pretty well so far. More about those some other time. I have to go gargle salt water. I have strep throat and my throat is on fire.

Hannah Takes Over the World

We have crash landed into Hannah's terrible twos. (Dear Hannah, If you ever read this I want you to pretend that the first sentence reads: My darling and adorable daughter turned two today. What a joy our Hannah is. She never whines, she never cries, and she obeys without question. I can only hope that her two-year-olds are as wonderful for her as she is for me. Now stop reading. Go back to your previous activity knowing that your mother was wonderful and you were too.)

On the Friday before Hannah's bday we took her and Kenzie to the Living Planet Aquarium. It was a fun place, with lots of things for the girls to see. Kenzie had a great time and Hannah was mildly entertained. Hannah liked the coral reef play ground and the fish. Kenzie liked the sting ray petting pool.


My favorite was the free "shrimp" manicure. They let you stick your hand in and these shrimp things come and nibble off the dead skin. Mar-veh-lous darling. I wish they would have let me stick my feet in. :)

For Hannah's birthday, we celebrated at our parent's houses when we went for general conference. At my parent's Hannah got a Doodle board, (Kenzie tries to steal it every chance she gets and it kept them entertained for long periods of time on our drive to Moab), and a Elmo doll. She loves Elmo and squeezes him and smiles at him constantly. (You have to bribe her for a hug to anyone else, but Elmo gets tons.) Shaelynn gave her a Cabbage Patch Doll. For Kenzie's birthday, Shae gave her a Fancy Nancy doll. As Hannah was given the wrapped present from Aunt Shaelynnie, she whispered as she ripped off the first wrappings, "Fancy Nancy!" I'm not sure if she really wanted a Fancy Nancy doll, or just remembered so well Kenzie's doll. What a silly girl. She sleeps with her Cabbage Patch all the time and it gets more hugs than I do, too.

At Mike's parents Hannah got some really cute p.j.s, a fun princess picture and wall stick on and a mirror to decorate. We decorated the mirror today and she loved putting jewels and stickers and glitter all over it.

Mike took the day off on Monday and we went to the park to feed the ducks and play. We also got to go on a grocery store tour for Kenzie's Joyschool.

Kenzie gave Hannah a princess plate, cup and bowl set and Mike and I gave her a little pop-up tent to play in and some clothes that are already too small.

Hannah, your sweet, mischevious smile makes us laugh. The way you love to make us laugh and the way you follow Kenzie's every move makes us smile. You definitely have a mind of your own. You are good at counting-- you always ask for "One, two three, five six," when we give you a treat; you love to sing--your favorite song is "I'm a girl" from Signing Time by Rachel deAzevedo (you say, "I a gil pwoud be me", and you are getting really good at speaking. You and Kenzie sometimes tease each other mercilessly. We tried sitting you next to each other in the car on our trip last week and you hit and poked each other so much we moved you back to your original seats. You love treats and coloring and being outside. When we go to the park swinging is all that you want to do. And you always say to me, "Push higher, mom" You are a polite little girl and when I help you find something you say, "Thanks mom." Everything is a game to you, even time outs and being in trouble make you laugh. You hate when mom and dad leave you. And it takes you almost an hour to warm up to big crowds, even if they are your own extended family. You don't put as many things in your mouth as you used to, but we still have to watch carefully and if it gets too quiet, I know I better be finding you soon. You love ponies and playing like you are a kitty or a baby. Your favorite story is the Ladybug Counting book and Red Shirt Blue Shirt. You really are a wonderful addition to our family.

Happy Birthday Hannah. We love you!

Facts about me

A)Four places I go over and over:
1. On Runs (no not the runs, on runs)
2. Into Kenzie's room (at 2:00 a.m. to clean up throw up, or give her a kiss, or say through gritted teeth, "Go back to bed honey. There's nothing to be scared of.")
3. The Library, for quiet and to wish I were the one in charge of children's story time
4. To bed

B)Four people who email me the most:
1. The Standard-Examiner sports editor, about stories
2. My grandma
3. Mike
4. Children's book of the month club

C)Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Chocolate
3. Chocolate with caramel
4. Chocolate with peanut butter

D)Four Places in which I would rather be right now:
1. I like being here right now, at home. But I have some trips planned I am super excited about, so I'll just list them.
2. The Wave in Southern Utah for our anniversary
3. Backpacking with Jared and Shaelynn
4. Bear Lake

E)Four people I'm tagging:
1. Kristin
2. Kellie
3. Alisha (who won't do it, because she never updates)
4. Val (is your computer working yet?)

F)Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. I kind of don't like to watch movies over and over. I think once is generally enough. Movies I do watch over and over, against my will:
2. The Heffalump Movie
3. The Aristocats
4. Little Mermaid

99 Cool Mom Things

So I've seen that list of 99 cool things, where you bold the ones you've done, floating around on people's blogs and I thought, "Hey, I should do that." Then I thought, "I'm awfully busy doing other cool "mom" things right now. I'll make my own list."
Post this list on your blog and bold the ones you've done.

1. Felt the world shift and change when you held your newborn baby.
2. Thought, "Hey, they didn't tell me about this when I got pregnant."
3. Given away perfectly good pants because they just don't seem to zip up anymore
4. Walked around with snot on your shoulder and pretended it's normal
5. Wrestled with a car seat and won
6. Cursed the makers of really loud annoying toys
7. Rocked your baby until she fell asleep, and then kept rocking anyway.
8. Gained superhero kissing powers-- you kiss it, it's okay.
9. Learned the art of counting to three, in a loud, patient voice
10. Avoided swearing like a pirate when a small child stepped on your bare feet with heavy-heeled princess shoes
11. Dressed up as a butterfly and floated magically around the room with blanket wings
12. Made a tent out of blankets and chairs and crammed your really large body into it.
13. Learned you really aren't a patient person, but tried to work on it.
14. Listened to really bad, heartfelt, vibrato out-of-control, children's music that for some reason your children love.
15. Succeeded in doing an awesome hairstyle on a squirming, uncooperative child.
16. Decided that bribery really does do the trick.
17. Read a Parenting book and thought, "Do they even have children?"
18. Gotten nothing but lessons in patience and enduring to the end from the past 3 years of church
19. Allowed others to think you're crazy as you drive down the road doing the actions to "5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed."
20. Smiled and managed not to punch the people without children who give you advice on how to discipline them.
21. Pitied the pioneers, who didn't have movies/television.
22. Thought sadly about landfills, but put it out of your head by remembering what dunking poopy cloth diapers in the toilet is like.
23. Managed to get the grocery shopping done with one or more children in tow.
24. Put yourself in time out.
25. Given up career opportunities, wistfully, but gladly.
26. Thought, "This is so worth it. I have the best job ever."
27. Thought, "This is so not worth it. I quit." But woken up and fixed breakfast and taken care of the kids anyway.
28. Heard your child say, "I love you so much!"
29. Watched with delight as your child lurches around the room with their first dinosaur-like steps.
30. Ignored your dirty house to play ponies.
31. Taught a child to use the potty. (And wanted to start an ad campaign with signs posted above every public toilet that read, "If you can use this, thank your mother.")
32. Tried a home business to make just a little extra money
33. Actually sewn something, that turned out pretty good if no one looked too closely
34. Played the choo-choo or airplane game to try and convince your child that food is not evil.
35. Slipped, tripped or twisted on a left out toy
36. Fished pennies/small toys/anything small out of your child's mouth, while keeping the panic at bay.
37. Lost brain cells while watching a Baby Einstien movie
38. Wondered where the instruction manual is.
39. Thought that you could improve upon the baby design model by adding three lights on the side of each baby-- one for hungry, one for tired, and one for poopy.
40. Listened with chagrin as your child repeats your favorite adjectives.
41. Crept into their room at night, just to make sure the covers are on and that they're still breathing.
42. Thought while breastfeeding, "No wonder people get breast implants. My shirts actually fit."
43. Laughed out loud at the optimistic "6 weeks after birth prognosis" by your male doctor.
44. Learned that you really aren't a pleasant person with only 2 hours of sleep.
45. Tried to explain why clothing is mandatory.
46. Had to eat your words because, "I would never do it that way," but then you do.
47. Called Poison Control.
48. Left the store without buying anything because your child is screaming.
49. Had to apologize to a stranger.
50. Wanted to petition that handicap stalls also be available to mothers with 2 or more children under the age of 6.
51. Said, "That's not funny," when really, if you weren't the parent, it was funny.
52. Felt extreme anger at another child when they hurt your child.
53. Cleaned up throw up more times than you wish to count.
54. Eaten a soggy cracker.
55. Thought sadly of hungry people as you scrapped your child's uneaten food into the garbage.
56. Threatened to do something awful (and untrue) like leave your child at WalMart, or cut off their toe if they didn't stop misbehaving.
57. Even though you vowed never to say it, yelled, "Because I said so."
58. Not left the house for three or more days.
59. Discussed buying stock in paper towels, wipes and diaper companies.
60. Conversed with other adults about poop, drool, and snot.
61. Thought, "My gosh. My children are the most adorable things in the entire world."
62. Smiled when your kids hugged each other.
63. Thrown away Halloween candy (after fishing out all the chocolate bars).
64. Realized the true use of a timer is not for baking.
65. Thought, "Isn't there at least some period of their lives where they adore me and listen to what I say?"
66. Cried and cried, because you feel like you're just not cut out for this sort of thing.
67. Felt triumphant when your child spelled their name without prompting to your now impressed neighbor/relative/friend.
68. Put on boots, coats, hats, gloves and snow pants and just as you're walking out the door hear a rumbling from your child that indicates severe diaper problems, or having your older child say, "I have to go to the bathroom."
69. Realized that children's books are sometimes written for adults.
70. Had to remind yourself not to talk in a sing-songy, supercalm happy voice when speaking to other adults.
71. Sometimes the only constant in your day is that it will eventually end.
72. Discovered that a really childproof room is empty and padded and only exists in insane asylums.
73. Had to backpeddle quickly when you told your child not to do something and they said, "But Mommy, you do it."
74. Dug out a sliver
75. Been ignored. Over and over.
76. Felt that if you get touched one more time you might have to become a hermit.
77. Laughed (with just a bit of hysteria) at the magazine picture of well-behaved children that put together beautiful crafts.
78. Gotten an unexpected kiss and a hug.
79. Had your heart melt when you hear, "Hold me, hold me."
80. Cleaned up a blow out diaper, and managed to salvage the onesie.
81. Thought, "Oh, my parents were right."
82. Prayed really hard that you're raising them to be good, thoughtful, happy people.
83. Hoped they won't remember the time you accidentally dropped/forgot about them.
84. Hoped they will remember the times you read stories/sang/played with them.
85. Felt like the Wicked Witch of the West.
86. Given an Eskimo kiss.
87. Felt your heart strings tug when they first let go of your hand to venture off on their own.
88. Pretended you liked something just to get your kid to eat/do it.
89. Wore matching outfits with your kids and thought it was awesome.
90. Tried to keep the car nice by not allowing food, then gave up and tossed food randomly at your children in an effort to quiet them.
91. Heard your child yell excitedly, "Mommy!" when you walk into the room.
92. Caused extreme giggling (on purpose).
93. Vanquished a monster with a spray bottle.
94. Answered "Why?" questions with preposterous and crazy answers but still not managed to stop the "Why?"s from coming.
95. Bought a really padded bra for protection from elbows and other stray limbs
96. Played the, "I'm going to hide in the _____" version of Hide and Seek
97. Learned to traverse the kitchen with a small child clinging to your legs and the phone on your shoulder.
98. Told yourself, "This is for her good."
99. Known this is the best and hardest job in the world. (But wished for paid time off)