Monday, June 8, 2009

Strange Alabama Afflictions

I'm melting! I'm melting! And in other news:

Kenzie has developed a mysterious and strange disease that invovles involuntarily yawning over and over and over. Do you think the doctor will look at me strangely when I try to describe this to him/her?

"Doctor! My daughter can't stop yawning! What sort of medication do they prescribe for that? What can we do to cure her? How will we ever survive?!"

"Umm nurse, this woman needs a valium."

At first I tried to be sympathetic without laughing--"Oh, I'm sorry Kenz. What can we do to fix it? Can you stop thinking about it? Do you think a piece of gum will help? I think I heard that rice krispie treats cure yawns."

I gave her all the cures, then I sent her back to quiet time, feeling like I had successfully dealt with the problem.

Then she started hitting the wall and crying, "I HATE yawning. I HATE yawning!" while she opened her mouth over and over in pseudo yawns. So much for the placebo effect.

That was a few days ago and this "terrible disease" continues to haunt us. She says at least four times a day, "Mom, I'm going to yawn. I need a piece of gum. I just hate yawning! I really need a piece of gum," and then she breaks into crying. She's really upset about it. When I tell her that I have already given her a pack of gum that day to prevent the yawning there is wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth.

Since we are quickly running out of tooth enamel and gum, I tried to convince her that a glass of water cures yawning too. Now she demands water and gum all of the time to prevent the yawning. I blame this on myself. And Mike. Somehow it has to be his fault.

I've tried discussing voluntary and involuntary reactions with her: "Kenz, a yawn is something you can control. It's a voluntary action (don't google this and tell me I'm wrong. I can't take it). Just like me spanking you for yawning and crying about it too much is a voluntary reaction. Neither of us wants this to happen, so let's learn to control ourselves."

I also tried telling her that if she's yawning so much she just needs to go to sleep. "I'm not tired!" she yelled at me in a charming voice. "Yawning does not mean you're tired! It's what you do when you wake up early!" Excellent argument Kenzie. Remind me to sign you up for the kindergarten debate team.

Hopefully we shall overcome this terrible disease and be able to go back to our normal, healthy selves. (snigger)


Kristina P. said...

You do know that I started yawning while reading this, right?

Em Russ said...

ok the whole post made me laugh and then Kristina's comment made me laugh harder (and yawn.) My favorite line though is "I blame this on myself. And Mike. Somehow it has to be his fault." ...LOVE it!!

Hollyween said...

Her overexcessive yawning reminds me of that kid who had the hiccups for like 5 years or something. Can you imagine? Horrible!

Are her yawns gone yet? I need an udpate.

Alisha said...

Haha! Has it stopped? Is she still yawning? maybe I'll send her some gum...except that you are coming home very soon.