Saturday, February 7, 2009

Science Saturday!

So, even though I don't believe in science, I've always dreamed of being a scientist. My favorite ideas for experiments involve things like raising one child entirely on mayo and one entirely on miracle whip to see which really is better or if it's just a matter of what you were raised with (I mean entirely in the sense of only putting that on their sandwhiches).
I've also tried to sacrifice my body to science numerous times. I've done experiments like, "What happens when you subsist entirely on cold cereal for an entire summer of college" (Not good. Not good), or "Hypnobirthing, is it a crock, or can you birth children without anesthesia?" (Yes, it's kind of a crock, but if you have short labor it's possible) or "How many workouts can my hair survive before it looks like I'm growing dreadlocks?" (About 3 medium-effort workouts spread out over 4 days)
Now I need to save my body since I plan on becoming a world class mountaineer at the age of 60, so I've moved my experiments to the world of plastics--Milk Jugs to be exact. On one of my previous posts there was a question as to whether or not a statement I made was scientifically correct.

Well, I have photo evidence that I was kind of right-- and being kind of right in the world of science makes for great theories and papers. I submit to you my Scientific Theory of Where the Milk Jug Will Break When it Falls to the Floor After Being Balanced Precariously in the Fridge.

Ahem, (let me think of some big words here), after a strict scientific analysis of milk jugs and their construction we conclude that milk jugs have two glaring weaknesses; One being the circle punched into the side for who knows what reason, and the second being the seam along the handle. If a milk jug drops from the fridge onto the floor, we conclude that one of two things will happen. 1. The handle will split and spray milk all over your newly mopped floor, or 2. The circular impression in the jug will pop out and spray milk all over your newly mopped floor and cupboards.

So you read it here first, Milk Jugs have two weak points! I better call Barack to see if he's going to do anything about this. CHANGE! Change! Change the milk carton construction!


Kristina P. said...

My husband thinks that mayonnaise and Miracle Whip are the same. I actually did a post about it once.

Clearly, he is crazy.

I love how you don't believe in science. Good call.

Em Russ said...

It's probably a good balance, you not believing in science and Mike's engineeringness...

Kathryn said...

Our milk jugs are different here in Kentucky... they are definitely stronger. I'm being serious... I'll send you a picture if you don't believe me.

Melanie J said...

Oh, that's hilarious! My husband trained himself to eat both mayo and Miracle Whip because he didn't know what kind of girl he would marry. What a guy.

Regi said...

Dylan thinks Miracle Whip and Mayo are the same too. He can’t tell if French fries are fresh either. I consider it a great quality in a husband since I’m not that great of a cook.

Florida has the super duty milk jugs. At first it just made me homesick. After reading you’re in depth study of the faulty Utah jugs. It’s now just one more thing to love about Florida.

Anonymous said...

What? Didn't the top pop off? Better put more research into this project. Get a government grant.
:0) GMB

Scott said...

Very nice! I am glad to see a larger sample well as have my comment be the motivation for a follow-up blog post :) Oh, and for the TX we have the wimpy milk jugs.

Hollie said...

So glad to finally get some good data on the subject. I dropped a gallon of apple juice the other day and thought of you.
Brent is a mayo guy (he only likes it thin and in the middle of the bread) and I'm a Miracle Whip sort of girl (all the way to the edges for me please). At times, it's put our marriage in jeopardy. We've decided that not eating tuna has improved our relationship greatly.

Anonymous said...

Steph, you and all who have responded are missing the point. Mayo and Miracle Whip are part of an evil Gov experiment from the 60s ( I know, my growth was stunted as well the wind patterns from the N-bomb tests that drifted northward)and the milk jug thing? well lets just say that I have proof it is an outcropping of the faked moon landing that was staged in Hollywood (see the movie "Sneakers" to understand) Happy Birthday on Monday By The Way!!


Oh and I have to post this as anonymous because I forgot our password :)

Hollyween said...

I have to comment on this because I just dropped an ENTIRE GALLON of milk on my floor just the other day. It was such a disaster! It broke both in the round thingy AND on the seams.

Stupid milk. Cleaning up an entire gallon of milk is a lot harder than one would think!