So, even though I don't believe in science, I've always dreamed of being a scientist. My favorite ideas for experiments involve things like raising one child entirely on mayo and one entirely on miracle whip to see which really is better or if it's just a matter of what you were raised with (I mean entirely in the sense of only putting that on their sandwhiches).
I've also tried to sacrifice my body to science numerous times. I've done experiments like, "What happens when you subsist entirely on cold cereal for an entire summer of college" (Not good. Not good), or "Hypnobirthing, is it a crock, or can you birth children without anesthesia?" (Yes, it's kind of a crock, but if you have short labor it's possible) or "How many workouts can my hair survive before it looks like I'm growing dreadlocks?" (About 3 medium-effort workouts spread out over 4 days)
Now I need to save my body since I plan on becoming a world class mountaineer at the age of 60, so I've moved my experiments to the world of plastics--Milk Jugs to be exact. On one of my previous posts there was a question as to whether or not a statement I made was scientifically correct.
Well, I have photo evidence that I was kind of right-- and being kind of right in the world of science makes for great theories and papers. I submit to you my Scientific Theory of Where the Milk Jug Will Break When it Falls to the Floor After Being Balanced Precariously in the Fridge.
Ahem, (let me think of some big words here), after a strict scientific analysis of milk jugs and their construction we conclude that milk jugs have two glaring weaknesses; One being the circle punched into the side for who knows what reason, and the second being the seam along the handle. If a milk jug drops from the fridge onto the floor, we conclude that one of two things will happen. 1. The handle will split and spray milk all over your newly mopped floor, or 2. The circular impression in the jug will pop out and spray milk all over your newly mopped floor and cupboards.
So you read it here first, Milk Jugs have two weak points! I better call Barack to see if he's going to do anything about this. CHANGE! Change! Change the milk carton construction!