For those of you who just don't know what fun is (mom!) I thought I, Hannah, would write a little manual to show everyone how to have fun during a normal, boring day.
1. First, trick your mom into thinking you are potty training. When you want some attention, tell her you have to go potty. When she puts you on the potty, ask incessantly for a "peepee towel" to wipe with, even though you have no intention of going potty in the potty. Duh, that's what diapers are for. When your mom won't give you a "peepee towel" reach for the toilet paper and grab as much possible before mom finally takes the roll off of the holder and sets it on the counter, which ingeniously leads to your next step for fun.
2. When mom is busy take the roll of toilet paper and drop it in the toilet. Splash around some. Toilet water is great for the complexion.
3. Fun can be had twice during the day with this routine. Vary your evening toilet routine by making sure mom is in the middle of her dinner. Demand that you need to go potty. When your sister asks your mom, "Please mom, don't go with Hannah. Stay here with me to eat," insist that you really must "Go potty! Go potty!" that instant. As your mom follows you out of the room, stare back at your sister triumphantly. Repeat steps 1 and 2.
4. While mom is brushing your sibling's teeth and steps out to answer the phone, in the matter of 5 seconds flat manage to grab the tub of vaseline and (don't eat it, it tastes yucky, trust me), smear gobs of it on your face. Scream angrily when mom wipes it off.
5. During meals instead of eating, grab your napkin, stick it in your mouth and yell, "Me crazy! Me crazy!" while shaking your head back and forth and thwarting mom's attempts to take the napkin.
6. When your sister coughs with a mouth full of Kool aid, all over mom and her dinner, mimic the act, fakely spitting KoolAid into your meal and onto your mom.
7. While mom is changing your diaper, grab indiscriminately down there. Clench your fists and scream as your mom tries to wash your hands afterwards.
8. If mom is frowning grumpily while she changes your diaper, squinch your eyes shut and move your jaw up and down, making whispering noises. You know you're cute.
9. Resist everything.
10. If mom is not paying enough attention to you (almost always), say in your most pitiful, whiny voice, over and over, "mama, mom, mama, mom, mama."
11. Scoot your chair over to the countertop and stand on it. Reach around blindly. You'll be sure to find something fun to play with like medication or scissors.
There. I'm sure there's more ways to have fun, like running into the street or eating cigarette butts off the ground, but I haven't discovered them yet. I'll let you know when I do.
P.S. Post your points here. Mike is being perfect. I am being sick and unmotivated. We got 25. Remember tomorrow (Wednesday) begins the bonus points week. No dessert/treats equals an extra point that day! Good luck.