The Joys of Motherhood in utero

I am now to the point of my pregnancy where the only clothing item that covers my belly are small dresses that should reach to my knees. As it is these dress-like, tent-like, flattering, now-shirts barely cover my belly. My garment tops rest permanently above my belly and below my bust line, giving me a flattering and oh-so-comfortable line.

I also have incredible trouble focusing on (insert funny line about "what were we talking about?") anything. I start telling stories and pause heavily, not just to catch my breath, but also to try and remember what I was saying.

I have banned bending over. My floor is scattered with things that I can't even kick (I might pull a muscle). Socks? Those are absolute torture to put on. And shaving my legs is definitely out of the question (sorry honey).

And the thought that I ever ran anywhere to do anything makes me laugh out loud. And tremble.

Sometimes I look down at my ankles and wonder how I sprained them. They are large and swollen. (And that's not all that's large and swollen, but we won't go into that delicate subject, will we?)

I have gone through a whole bottle of Antacids in the past month. I'm almost out, so I figure this baby has to come soon, right?