Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Patented Ways to make 20 minutes seem like a lifetime
Is your life flying by too fast? Do you feel as if the kids are growing, you're getting older and time slips through your fingers like money flows through Congress?
Well, here are a few patented ways to slow it down. All inclusive! No water needed! Just add children!
1. Decide you want to go on a 20 minute bike ride. Hook up the bike trailer. Add two children. Listen as one whines the whole way. "I want a drink of water. No I want a drink of water NOW! I want a drinkkkkkkkkk of waaaaaaaater." Meanwhile the other utters a low-pitched wail of sadness the entire time. Watch 20 minutes seem like an eternity.
2. Go to church (which seems to be scheduled during nap/meal time no matter the schedule). Forget to bring treats. Sit through Sacrament meeting, next to a perfectly behaved family, only pardoning yourself four times as you trip over their legs with a kicking, screaming child who finally calms down for the last three minutes. Then watch the clock as the speaker decides to go 10 minutes over discussing the merits of the word of wisdom. 10 min = eternity.
3. The half hour before the spouse comes home, during which you are trying to make dinner, automatically equals an eternity.
4. Go for a ride up the canyon in the car to see the leaves. Listen while one child suddenly screams urgently, "I have to go potty!" Ask her quietly if she can hold it for 15 minutes while you drive to the nearest gas station. Listen all the way down the canyon as she yells, "No I can't hold it. I have to go! I have to go!" Add an insistent yell of "Off! Off!" from your other child, which gradually builds into screams. (You have no clue what your child wants "off" because it is the only preposition your child knows and she demands that you "off" everything.) 15 min = eternity.
Actually, our trip up to Snowbasin was, in memory, quite fun. We just made her pee in the bushes next to a picnic table. Sorry happy picnickers. The snow will wash it away. I know, I know I should enjoy the moments while they are little. And I do. I get as sappy as the next mom when I think about my little girls not wanting to hold my hand or be rocked at night. But it takes a lot of humor to enjoy some moments.
The above picture is on Old Snowbasin Road. Mike and I lamented that soon the route to Snowbasin will be laden with condos and private mansions. Then we lamented that we didn't have enough money to buy the whole mountain. Really, we lamented that our grandparents hadn't been the lucky saps that bought a $10,000 20-acre piece of ground up on the mountainside that would now be worth millions.
at 12:39 PM