1. Make sure to practice de-clothing your child. Quickly, with one hand, in the dark, while still trying to open your eyes from being asleep.
2. Buy a little potty so your child can stuff their toys in it and so that other children that visit your home can leave surprises for you.
3. Practice your sprinting ability, with a 30 pound container of lemon juice in your arms.
4. Sometimes, let the lemon juice leak on you and practice trying not to be ashamed in public of how dirty your clothes are.
5. Think of some really good threats like, "If you don't go potty right now, I'm going to never let you play with your toys again."
6. Buy some suppositories and prune juice, just in case your child is so afraid of going #2 on the potty that she/he holds it in for three days and then complains of a stomach ache.
7. Install another bathroom in your home.
8. Buy a 100-pack of diapers. They'll be sure to start potty training the day after you open them.
9. Fix dinner. Stand up right before you take a bite and run to the bathroom. Wait there until your food gets cold. Go back to eat. Cut a bite. Stand up and run to the bathroom again. Repeat.
10. Try not to be so squeamish about germs. Maybe carry sanitary wipes with you. Practice saying, "Don't touch that! Don't touch that! Do not lay on the floor! No! Don't touch that. That is so yucky! If you touch that you will get germs and die."
Hannah is almost potty trained. We have finally gotten past her extreme fear of pooping and made it two whole days (and nights) without an accident. Thanks to my mom for the motivating special sucker and thanks to chapstick and one special experience with a suppository we might be a diaper-free family! (Although I still have about 95 diapers in a size 4. Anyone interested?)